Isn't your W being nice a good sign? Maybe she is looking for attention, maybe she is hoping that her being nice to you means you will be nice and that maybe just maybe the two of you can get back on track. You are clearly skeptical so you won't end up getting hurt. Maybe do something nice for her something you never did before.
Her speaking with OM1 and OM2 [censored]. And it is problematic. But unless you know what she is talking about and maybe she is afraid that when you GAL it is YOU who may have found someone else. I think ultimately that is why so many of these sitch are so complex and nuanced. There might be a lot of overlaps but I think each of us has a specific set of actions that need to be taken. Yes, detaching and GAL and validating is important and plays a role for all of us but I think this is why the point about "observe what works and what doesn't work" is ultimately the best advice.
As to your post at the top of this page about thinking it's all your fault. I think it actually is a blessing that while she had OM1 that there are things you did wrong. This means that whatever hope for your MR that BOTH of you need to change. Suppose you were flawless and she cheated. That is hard. That will not give you necessarily the tools to be graceful.
My approach - and I may be criticized for this - is that I am trying to act as kind and loving as possible without pressuring W. If she plays me for a fool and is just waiting for the time to get out she is leaving behind someone who treated her with respect and kindness. I am showing her a glimpse of what she will walk away from. I am not saying I love you, I am not doing much overly romance but I don't shy away from moments of intimacy. Sometimes she initiates, sometimes I do. Part of that is because I didn't always show the best side of me in those moments. Her ACTIONS based on this have been almost consistently positive. I have stopped demanding she talks to OM and like I have said in my sitch I don't even know how much she still talks to him. I have accepted the possibility that the ONLY reason he is still in her phone is because she is afraid and I have given her reasons to be afraid. I am removing a lot of the reasons without telling her that everything will be fine even with him involved in whatever capacity.
In your sitch: even if you don't know what will happen. Why is it so bad to have a more nice and kind interaction with her? Is it the impatience of wanting to KNOW if there is a future? The impatience to not open your heart and get hurt AGAIN or even more? That is a risk. I am taking it knowing FULL well that it can all be over. But I can feel better about myself than I did when I first discovered the PA. Part of this feeling better is because of ACTIONS from my W. Something about your post made me think maybe your W is also trying to make her way back.
