WW/WAS(whatever she is at this point) and I actually had our first, yes first argument ever in our 25 years together!! Might be part of the problem as to our sitch right now, communicating our feelings, we both held everything in and let it boil! It started with her asking if it was OK to talk to the kids this week in which I agreed because I can't keep lying to them that everything is fine with mom and dad. I asked her again if the kids ask if she cheated what will she say?? She responded that she won't tell them that in which I said to stop lying to people especially our children as they will find out at some point. She wanted to know what we will tell them and I said that I am not and will not be on the same page as her regarding this! This is all her doing, I will always be there for my kids and that's all they need from me! She has to answer to her wayward ways at some point, I will not back her up and facilitate the destruction of our beautiful family, that's on her!! So... we'll talk to them in two days, PLEASE pray for my kids!!! Then she wanted to know if I have looked into where I was going to live because we will need to sell our home, I responded calmly to her "you don't need to know where I will live" that set her off, I let her rip into me as I just listened, refreshed that she actually showed some emotion as this behavior wasn't really allowed in her upbringing, her family was all rainbows and unicorns and not real world. As she rapped up her soapbox rant about how she now wants to live HER life(no mention of kids in there BTW) I then had my turn, I told her that all talk of the kids, the house, and money has to be discussed with me before she does anything as she reached out to a mutual friend who is a real estate agent, WW told her that we are getting divorced and wanted to have her list our house. This of pissed me off as she went behind my back to do this, she lied to me yet again that she didn't tell any of our friends about our sitch. I told her that I will no longer be her doormat as I did nothing in my life to her to be treated that way! She then said that she wanted to try and be friends after this for our kids as I responded that it is real tough for me to be friendly and civil while she is involved with another person. I said to her that she should just go and be with him if that's what she wanted that the kids and I don't want her around anymore, that we will be just fine without her, BOOM!! shoulders dropped, tears flowing!! Guess that hit a nerve as she left the house for an hour(I'm sure to go talk to Mr. Wonderful) argument over. The next day even though we didn't see each other much it was actually a bit more refreshing around, I looked at her in a different light for some reason and she seemed different towards me, maybe I showed some strength that I haven't shown in a long time. The next couple of days will be hard as we have a friend of court appointment and then talk to the kids and then having to deal with all of that. Baby steps!! I think the argument may have been a good thing??
