Struggling with "dropping the rope" , for a person who is renowned as being logical almost to the point of being Vulcan (LOL) I find the counter-intuitiveness of this really hard to understand. I bow to everybody's knowledge here and will continue to detach as much as I can.
Recently as my previous posts would suggest my WW has been slowly seeing less and less of me and to be honest it really isn’t affecting me as much as I thought it would. I have had a few tests recently regarding visitations but have stood my ground especially as our plan is the fairest unless we participated in a week for each, I know this wouldn’t be agreeable with WW so have reverted to 3-day each week alternating the 7th day.
Having just implementing this it will be interesting to see how it’ll affect her and after the trophy incident where we had a “talk” I’m not sure she will come to my home when I have the boys to spend time with them and instead opt for FaceTime sessions. This will obviously allow the rope to be loosened a little more BUT how can I continue to show her I am invested in our M? This site as I see it gives me the feeling that it’s more catering to prepare for life alone than to fight for the M (right thing to do)! Again I feel maybe it’s that counter-intuitive side of the advice that makes me feel this way.
I am trying to concentrate on gaining my respect back from WW but have been so “programmed” over years of submissiveness that I don’t even recognise when she’s disrespecting me! The other night as WW picked up the boys from my home she mentioned holidays and asked the dates I had booked off, being a bloke caught on the hop I mentioned HER dates as this is playing on my mind due to them having a “family” holiday somewhere booked with the AP/LO and my boys. She basically went alien and vented about me booking the same days, I corrected myself but was then presented with the sarcastic face directed to my S8. I now know I should have taken her to one side and ask her not to do that in front of the boys but she was in the car and about to drive off so missed the opportunity.
At the moment we’re experiencing her on an upward trend on the rollercoaster ride, this is being demonstrated by her coldness and total detachment from me I wonder how long it’ll be before she does a temperature check.
I’m finding it progressively difficult to keep focused on fighting for my M and would welcome some motivating comments…
I continue to: 1. Have “smart contact” – never pursue BUT when approached try to show her the best me whilst being a friend and safe place. 2. GAL – exercising, swimming, soccer and walking a lot, being with the boys having as many days out as my budget can stretch to. 3. Charging neutral – just not that good at it at the moment. 4. Journaling – Sorry for boring you all. 5. Working on me physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. 6. Reading everything I can about WW and A’s.
What’s helping with feelings? 1. Being with the boys – I intend to start reading to them at night just to instil that closeness, anybody know of good books to read for S10 & S8? 2. Listening to music. 3. Comedy – going to comedy clubs is great for GAL. 4. Working. 5. Very close circle of friends who understand why I continue to fight for my M. < very important (no family members).
Thanks for taking the time to read, take care.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
