I just bring up his family etc as well venting and insight but at the end of the day H is a big boy and capable of being his own man. Many people are dealt shitty hands and still don't walk down the path they witnessed in their childhood. It's a decision he has made. He was given so much here with my family. He had nothing when he met me... which infuriates my parents even more. Yes he's a hard worker but the home we own, all of our assets, everything all started as gifts from my parents. Eh anyway enough of that.
I'm so tired of talking about X Y Z. I get sick just reading what I'm writing. I go back and wish the edit button was there so I could delete half of the things I say. It's disgusting. I'm pining away for a man that threw me away with our newborn. What does that say about me? I don't like who I am right now. I don't like that I've become so weak. I don't like that I'm dependent financially on a man. He acts this way because he feels entitled and he feels like he holds all the cards.
You know I applied for grad school during last BD because of BD. I never wanted to rely on a man financially. We were back together before school started and I went because I wanted to protect myself if anything happened again. I didn't have to go back but boy am I glad I did.
But ya I'm doing a lot of thinking of why am I this way. Why I let a man say such hurtful things and don't stand up for myself. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Who knows.
I'm listening to my baby scream out there... I made H take him. I hate this. I hate hearing him upset. I know if I take him he will go right to sleep. This isn't for the faint of heart. I wouldn't wish this on my own worst enemy... eh well maybe I would on H haha
