Here again part 10

[BluWave]

T,

Have you seen those old Charlie Brown clips where whenever the adults talk there is only a trumpet sound? "Whaaaaah waaah whaaaahhhh!!!!" That is all I hear when your H starts talking. I mean really, he is not saying anything 1. new, or 2. of any substance. I wish there was a way you could remove his platform for this? "waaah, T I'm done, wahhh waaaahhhh wwaaahhhh." I mean, I could barely focus on the words you typed because it's all apart of the same. I wonder if the more he says these things, the more he convinces himself? Or anyone?

I doubt it. What I do know is the script sounds so much like everything he has already been saying AND a lot like the other waywards on this board. In fact, when my H left he said a lot of the same, "wahhh whaaah waaaaaaaahhhhhhh." It broke my heart because it hurts to hear it and it hurt over again each time! I should not have allowed so much of that. I let him hurt me by listening to that BS. I am no ones emotional punching bag nor to be blamed for his own unhappiness.

The thing is, part of dropping the rope includes removing the platform. I mean of course you are not going to initiate any R talk (don't do that), but what about when he starts up? How about a super quick validation and then an escape method? I mean who has time for all this anyhow??? You have far more important things that deserve your attention right now. You have 3 kiddos, school, and your own GAL!

Here, let's practice, T:

(ring ring)
H: T, we need to talk. Waaahhhh whhaaah wah.
T: I hear you. I am sorry you feel that way.
H: Wah wah
T: I think I understand what you mean. I have been listening to this for several months. This is difficult.
H: Waaaaahhhhhhhhh
T: H, I do hear you. I am sorry you see things that way. This isn't a good time for me right now. I am not going to agree to that now. I also need to go because I am taking the boys to GAL. I also could use more time to think and process all of this. Please reply to my email regarding a clear and consistent schedule for the boys. That is the most important thing right now. Good Bye H.
(hang up or leave house or just EXIT convo)

Thoughts?
Blu

[Train]

Have you seen those old Charlie Brown clips where whenever the adults talk there is only a trumpet sound? "Whaaaaah waaah whaaaahhhh!!!!" That is all I hear when your H starts talking.

O.M.G. I kid you not: this is EXACTLY what popped into my head when I read the paragraph of his "he saids"!!!!!! All I kept thinking was: STOP validating him, T! Stop with the 'I'm-sorry-you-feel-that-way' crap! Just hold up your hand and make the motion like someone talking and look at H and said: "Dude. I see you talking, but all I hear is wahhhwahhwahh." I mean SERIOUSLY. Tell him you've heard it all before! Like, just a couple weeks ago. It's time he sh!ts or gets off the freaking pot. Buh-bye. Bye, Felicia. Won't leave the lights on for ya.

Sheesh. Talk about grand pronouncements.

T, I'd honestly stop questioning everything you're saying or not saying. Stop DBing. OR attempting to. Start back at the beginning.

And as an aside, do what you want about mentioning that you know about OW when you know H is texting her inside the family home. But I made it very clear to my H that that was not going to happen in front of me and my children in our marital home. And believe it or not, H stopped texting her while he was here. (Of course, I had smashed his phone with a meat tenderizer when I first found out about OW, so he knew I meant business. New, shiny phone be d@mned!)

Hang in there, lil mama.

[Train]

PS You KILLED this weekend! Pat yourself on the back for me. Fist bumps and woman power and all that jazz. You're Wonder Woman, and I want to be YOU when I grow up! Go, T!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

ps

**I wish I had said "BRAVO" for the weekend victory at the soccer event.
So WELL DONE. Truly. It's By far better than I could have pulled off with 3 kids, ever. Let alone with a newborn. I mean it.

What else are you doing - along with your school, and work, taking care of the kids & the insanity of your DB/h?? So Are you *finally* writing that great novel or learning to speak Chinese? (Come on, T3, you're making the rest of look bad!)



And as for the he said/what you said

yeah, it's all wahhhhh

wahhhh I'm Not happy YET/AGAIN/EVER/YOU'RE THE OBSTACLE TO MY JOY" from him.

+ a few more "sorry for MY parts" from you, (which he hears as your admission that his choices are okay...)



FTR I'm not sure I could say "sorry you feel that way" again, with a straight face.

I might play it on a tape you have already made on your phone, while you are on your way out the door to GAL

or a sign you can hold up when he begins to blather on...and you have things to do.

You know, Multi task...

[T384]

Haha thank you ladies,

What's really funny is after I wrote that and submitted it I was annoyed just re reading it. I felt like why. Did I just waste my time and theirs reading this GARBAGE and even more so why did I engage in this conversation for as long as I did.

I will say this though he started saying you know your dad and I talked and he said everything would be fine we would all be grown adults and do things for the boys but it's pretty odd he had it made in his mind I had someone else. I can only imagine how you're telling everyone that even though you haven't mentioned it in in awhile.

I said H -- that is not how life is going to be and I know for a fact that's not what my dad said. He was being nice as was I because we were both hoping you would get your sh!t together and that this was just a little mini freak out you were having. I also said you know why my dad says you have someone else it's not because of me. He said it's because he's a man and what HUSBAND AND FATHER would leave a Newborn? I said there is absolutely no excuse. It's not like I'm a drug addict, a cheater, or like my dad said I don't have the whole squad of the Harlem globe trotters lined up LOL so really there is no excuse for what you're doing.

But ya like I said... I read that post and was annoyed with myself. Story of my life. I definitely feel better. I don't know why I felt the need to validate because I guess I'm just further fueling his fire. I happily took his money last night while he had his sourpuss on and said thanks with a big smile and went out the door.

So ya moral of the story is I will do more of STFU less talk more action.

Plus as you all know he's making more than enough to cover our expenses. I have the login to his payroll account ... I mean really with everything I know, if he knew , he would have a heart attack. I just haven't shown ANY of my cards, yet

Which is why I haven't mentioned OW and the texting. I'm going to let it simmer for a bit because I don't want to do it out of emotion. Plus he can continue to dig himself a deeper hole.


And 25 I'm protecting myself as best I can with fair legal advice. That's the main reason I'm not showing my cards. I'm letting him think I'm as dumb as he thinks I am. I mean to this day he doesn't think I check the phone records. He really thinks I'm dumb. My dad said it's like leading the animal to the slaughter house. I can't tip him off until I have everything ready to go.

And thanks Train for the kind words. I felt great this weekend. I did have a small cry yesterday but it was short and I was alone. The crying is spacing out to every few days and not asking very long which is a huge improvement haha.

I did remind him To not feel he's needed at the house. He was more than welcome to come by see the boys and be on his way. Let's see if he follows my advice this week.

[Maybell]

What a huge leap forward you've taken! I loved hearing that you were annoyed with yourself reading back how that conversation went. Sometimes we just need to step outside of ourselves to change our attitudes.

You're on your way now, T. Way to go!!!!

BTW, it's still ok to grieve. Just don't let it get in the way of your happiness.

[BluWave]

Have you seen those old Charlie Brown clips where whenever the adults talk there is only a trumpet sound? "Whaaaaah waaah whaaaahhhh!!!!" That is all I hear when your H starts talking.

O.M.G. I kid you not: this is EXACTLY what popped into my head when I read the paragraph of his "he saids"!!!!!! All I kept thinking was: STOP validating him, T! Stop with the 'I'm-sorry-you-feel-that-way' crap! Just hold up your hand and make the motion like someone talking and look at H and said: "Dude. I see you talking, but all I hear is wahhhwahhwahh." I mean SERIOUSLY. Tell him you've heard it all before! Like, just a couple weeks ago. It's time he sh!ts or gets off the freaking pot. Buh-bye. Bye, Felicia. Won't leave the lights on for ya.

Sheesh. Talk about grand pronouncements.

I have been giggling about this Charlie Brown horn all day. lol. T, even when I think back to my dark days after BD, I still have some sweet memories and good humor in the ways I coped. My BFF and I took several road trips, we would have Friday night dinners and our own crazy dance (wine) parties, and sometimes we just let ourselves laugh at what a chit-show my life was turning out to be (on the surface anyhow)! I never thought I would, but now I totally, cherish those moments and bursts of relief that I had in that time. I miss some of them actually. I hope you can create some of those for yourself now too--here on the boards and in your RL.

Whahhhh wah.

Blu

[T384]

I do have a lot of good memories mixed in with the bad from last time. I remember doing a lot of kayaking with the boys and my friends and getting stuck in the rain with a shark swimming by us and feeling like we were on an episode of survivor haha.

his mom has been reaching out to my family a lot and she's in la la land. She doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing and sends pictures of her paintings and talks about her problems to both my mom and my grandma. My grandma had a talk with her today just saying you know what he's doing. I can't watch him do this to my granddaughter and her boys a second time and talk with you about painting. His mom said her and H don't talk about it that he wants to get his own place and deserves to be happy. My grandma told her he needs guidance from his family, he needs a role model or a shoulder from his family because everyone that talks to him that he's close with is still my family at the end of the day. She said she he needs his mom and have the hard talks with him and not pretend everything is going to be okay

She said she knows she's going to lose her grandchildren in the sense of it won't be like it is now and she's going to lose all her relationships with my family and she was crying but she said she just couldn't stand up to him. She didn't want to risk upsetting him and losing her relationship with him. My grandma said she told his mom maybe his brother or dad could reach out to him. Just to have someone to listen. She said they both knew he left but don't want to get involved.

I told my grandma just to drop it. Just stop talking to her, if she texts be brief. My grandma said she told her the gloves are going to be coming off soon because I'm not going to be how I've been to him. My grandma is old school and doesn't take any nonsense. H mom was then texting my mom about her paintings etc and my mom just gave a short reply. She then started texting my dad about how her and her sister got in a fight and she was really upset and just had been saying a lot of prayers etc.

I don't know what the point of this other than his family is delusional. There is way too much cake eating going on and it's time for things to be how they're going to be... sometimes I feel like I'm being punked. Is this real life??? Haha

I'm so sick of his moods one day he wants to have dinner the next he walks by as if I'm invisible. I did tell him last night I didn't want to be with him.

I feel so stuck. Like I can't change the locks I
Can't kick him out. So I tell him not to come he still strolls in at 9pm sits on the couch on his phone all night and there's nothing I can legally do about it until I file for D and we get to an agreement on the possessions house etc. he can not pay for anything and still come here because it's his house too. The law here [censored]. It's a big [censored] sandwich.

[Train]

T, even when I think back to my dark days after BD, I still have some sweet memories and good humor in the ways I coped. My BFF and I took several road trips, we would have Friday night dinners and our own crazy dance (wine) parties, and sometimes we just let ourselves laugh at what a chit-show my life was turning out to be (on the surface anyhow)! I never thought I would, but now I totally, cherish those moments and bursts of relief that I had in that time. I miss some of them actually. I hope you can create some of those for yourself now too--here on the boards and in your RL.

Yes, yes and yes. SO MUCH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Train]

T, I'm confused about the living arrangements. He moved out, right? To the NEW boss' house? And he's wahwahwahing to you about getting his own place?

I mean, tell him not to show up at the house. Literally SAY: "I don't WANT you here. We don't NEED you here."

You haven't tried to be that blunt yet, have you?

I was thinking you said you're afraid of being bold because he will yank finances. So which one is it? You don't want to stir the pot and pi$s him off? Or the laws are crappy there? Because those are two wildly different things.