Not much to update so far. But my trip is coming up this Friday and I cannot say I am not a little anxious. For the most part I am excited to go because a) my W says she knows how I feel and this will give her an opportunity to be honest with herself. I will have no way of knowing if they hung out or if she had an interest to do so BUT I think I will be able to see her reaction when I come back Sunday. and B) she does need rest, time and space. She says she needs to be bored and if she wants to do something there are other people she can hang out with. Again, don't believe what she says I know...

She had her first IC session on Saturday and is going back this coming Saturday when I am gone.

After her session she took me up on the idea to go buy a new lock for the front door and we did. In the store we spoke about other home improvement projects as well as making the place look nicer and more enjoyable to live in (and while not vocalized we both want to sell the house and move out of state). I am a little confused as she hasn't recommitted yet to me but in some ways it feels like she has flipped a switch. She IS scared but I do think she is trusting more and more that I too flipped a switch and take our problems seriously. I am giving her what SHE needs from me at the moment and she is giving me what I need from her as much as she can.

Don't worry I am not declaring victory anytime soon.

For the most part we have been peaceful towards each other which NEVER happened for more than a week, maybe two weeks tops over the past decade (if there have been longer peaceful moments it may have been a month...not saying there were explosive fights but things that were dumb and blown out of proportion by both of us). We both recognize warning signs. We both take turns in fact stepping away. So even if we won't survive I think we are both turning into better people.

She has not mentioned OM or wanting to hang out since last Tuesday (the night before our session) although he came up indirectly when we discussed my trip and she mentioned something how she knows I am worried he is going to come over. In all honesty she hasn't been texting a whole lot compared to what it was the past few months. And often she actually tells me who is texting and what is being shared (she could lie I suppose).

Our level of warmth and closeness was high during the week and mellowed a bit over the weekend. We are both still sick and W had some stressful things at her work on Friday afternoon. I tried to validate her experiences and listening to her but I started making suggestions to her. She was a little upset and then later apologized. But here is the thing: SHE has been the one making an effort to get back to a friendly state almost immediately after something like that has happened lately.

She has also been wanting more and more to do things together. And she is suggesting things we can do together. So I keep coming back to thinking that she at least is trying to implement what the MC is telling us to do. Maybe she does this to fool me...but if I start doubting that then I only drive myself crazy. Heck, maybe she thinks she is fooling me and then through the continued positive interactions recognizes we may have a future.

I recognize this is a marathon and this won't be fixed soon but I do see small improvements. Would I want her to say: OM is out of the picture? Absolutely. But I think she is working towards that...or is still figuring out if they can be friends. At this point I don't want to push it. I am also thinking that she has been doing some soul searching and is now saying how she hates how she knows I am devastated he came over to our home. So she is feeling pretty bad about herself. I hope that this weekend we can take some progress by not being under the same roof.

Some of this has been awkward and we both said that. Like we recognize we need to communicate better. Sometimes we assume things and then act and the other person gets upset. We both do it at different moments. But we stick with the plan from MC and we are doing more things together. At the end of the day I am THRILLED to be at that phase right now.