Next phase: Divorce and Acceptance

[Pax_luv]

Greetings from the outside. . It's a gorgeous day where I live so I'm taking my lunch break outdoors in the sunshine.... Something I never do!

Been musing about my sitch a bit. What Ive learned is, no contact with ex is the greatest thing and is something I wish i had implemented right at the get go. I kind of believe things would have played out a bit differently if i had. Instead, no contact was established by ex 17 months after separation out of disdain for me, but oh well.

Having to see him every week with the dog swap is awful... Granted, I don't speak to him nor does he to me, but it just puts me right back where I don't want to be. It's like having to hold your hand near the hot fire without actually having to put your hand in the fire. It stinks, but it must be done for now. Having my time with the dog is worth the temporary emotional dip.

All these "blah" feelings then makes me feel like I'm not as far along as I thought I was. I still care what ex thinks of me. Which is crazy!!!!! <--- this is what I keep trying to work through. We've seen each other 6 times now with the dog swap and I just have to scratch my head thinking how in the hel! Can he STILL have this much hatred towards me??? I have to keep remembering that its not my job for him to like me or be nice to me, but I'm still trying to push those feelings aside.

I don't think there's anything else I can do to move through these feelings except wait it out and continue to try to be the best person I can be... Not sure there's much more for me to do except give the sitch time. I've been looking for more books on the subject. I got so engrained in learning how to save the marriage, which was a great learning, but now I need some good education on how to move on. And yes, I deliberately said move on because Ive moved forward so much that I feel it's time to forget about the past. <---this is a super new way of thinking for me.

Which leads me to the next phase in all this- A couple weeks ago, I joined match.com. Not my thing.... But I'm giving it a whirl. Had a really nice date last night with a guy that I've been talking to for a bit. Divorced, dad of 2.... He's awesome, but not for me long term as far as I can tell. Not forcing anything and no expectations! I'm just not sure how much effort to put into these meetings. Anyway, His wife was ww because he became a doormat. He shared some details about feeling emasculated in the relationship due to his people-pleasing approach and she fell out of love with him. Hmmmm. I feel bad for him because this dynamic plays out all the time. What I appreciate is, he took the time to work through his stuff like all of us here, and is actively approaching things differently. self awareness is sexy! I may have crossed some boundaries last night and recommended he read no more mr nice guy. I feel bad when it came out of my mouth, but he was looking for self help book suggestions. Ah well!

So that's it for now. Got a busy week ahead and hopefully another decent match experience.

Have a good one!