Oh my...well, as for the prior post about what he said/what you said/then he said/then you said/
it has ALL been said before. Literally. No need to rehash things, which should be abundantly clear to you now.
What else is there to hear that you have not heard several times already?
Have you seen the L? Please do NOT begin or sign a contract for a new job yet. Get his credit report to see what else is out there that your name might be on.
Please learn from my mistakes. Do NOT believe/assume or wait until he "sees the light" "does the right thing" & "is less angry" at ME. Believe me, his anger levels are going to grow and there will be animosity for some time.
My h told his L that he'd "rather be a pauper than pay me a cent." Do you know how insane that sounds? Not just unfair and ironic and narcissistic, but insane...
My h is now 60. After 38 years of working on his career very hard, usually by putting our family/marriage on the back burner and only once thanking me for that (which I recall clearly, b/c it was literally only one time)
he now SAYS he is "retired" so he can avoid paying me a fraction of his earnings temporarily, which he admitted openly to our s31, (because I guess h does not know how he sounds...)
and which is false anyhow, btw, and provable.... But even if it were true, that's crazy for H in the long run, financially and relationally AND it's just great timing.
Oh, so now our kids are all grown and out of the house (I raised them, you're welcome) and they have little to no contact with him. H's choice.
Let ^^that sink in...
also, my h is not doing unheard of things, btw, & neither is your h.
Evidently, in my h's eyes, truly, HE is the hero and I am the villain. Sound familiar?
Please stop taking ANY blame for your h's choice to lie. Work on you b/c you want to, do not do or say anymore to appease him or feed his delusions.
When you say you are "willing to own" your part, he hears you agreeing with him. YOU are the problem, not him!! You said so!
Yes it is absolutely delusional. But that does not mean your h will see that and return, slapping his forehead saying he "gets it now!" It means your h is delusional.
When your h says he is tired of being told he "should" do this or that (i.e. "the right thing", "man up", "be an adult" "don't lie", "don't cheat", "don't leave your wife and 3 sons" types of things) you need to ask yourself do you want to live with a man who needs to be told ^^^these things? And resents it?
What a whiny baby.
My H seems to have a new family on the tundra, which he's inserted into. So maybe he will invest himself in OW's family and I'll have to chalk that up to "guess he learned a lesson" and isn't the same old absentee taker.
Yes I have to just eat that $h1t cake and so do my kids.
That bothers me of course. But What are my options? S31 says his "dad is gone/dead" and while that makes me sad, it's kind of worse that s31 saw it before I did.
Legally, I say "b1tch betta gimme my money", which is one of my fav new mantras
and I am trying to embrace the reality that I do not have to keep dancing to get h to "feel content" with wherever he is in life, to appease the endless restlessness or deflect from his passive aggressive remarks. H is not my problem anymore.
If I had chosen to move to Alaska, again, my life would $uck. It $ucks less now and it improves the more I detach from him and seek out my own life. I feel a sense of urgency to LIVE MY LIFE now. No more limbo or being stuck "waiting" for h to make us the priority.
If we had remained married as he is now and has been for the past X years, I'd always have those "itchy sweater" feelings that YOU have had, and not quite be able to put a finger on why...
While H was the priority in our family (not proud of that, but it's true) WE were only an option for h.
If I were in your shoes, I'd get my $$$ together and move forward with as PMA as possible.
The happier you are (or pretend to be!!) the more vindication you will feel and at the moment, that probably seems important. You do not want to fuel your h's image of the "always sad unsatisfied w". Even when totally justified, don't feed it.
FYI I think I'm nearly detached AND yet I very much want vindication!! I very often fake it till I make it.
So Sorry you are still going through this, and I hope you will move forward now.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
