About my need to see how much pain I can tolerate. I feel like the universe keeps doing it for me, so I really don't need to do it for myself.
Ginger ((( !! )))
I have about 3 close friends from childhood who are in dire straights right now.
LC is one, & as I told you, her son died suddenly. JJ lost her mom last week - but has privately been struggling with multiple myeloma and job loss for a year. (She did not want her mom to know these things, to avoid stressing her late mother).
KM had a long awaited double lung transplant and as horrific as that whole process was, she's now in organ rejection. 7 surgeries since the transplant, etc.
OKAY so here's my real point.
Per her request, I go visit KM for her birthday at her beach house 6 hours away. I was expecting a death vigil as she was told by Duke, "we are at the end of the road, no treatment options left."
I'm not sure what I was really expecting, but FUN & laughs were not on the expectation list.
I arrive and she's THRILLED to see me. Like I'm the best 25 ever!
Her grown sons were there and her awesome husband. The next day, Somehow, oxygen tanks and tubes and all, we got on their boat and went cruising around. I mean, what??
KM turned to me at one point and said "Hey 25, will you do my eulogy?"
At which point we talked for maybe 90 SECONDS about what matters to her the most, and then dolphins jumped near us and she was enthralled and exuberant.
"DOLPHINS!! OMG that made my day!"
I $hit you not. She was utterly delighted. We laughed a lot the whole weekend and (granted she needed an 02 mask, but whatever) and also had authentic talks.
She really was consistently in the moment. Intensely. I am still processing what I learned.
BTW, she was a party girl in high school, always cheering the team on but never really "getting deep", and she's someone whom I would never have imagined to be this strong. She just takes the hits and gets back up in the ring, although she wobbles on the ropes sometimes.
She agreed she has surprised herself.
SO I tell my therapist all this ^^ about my closest friends and their travails, and my T knows of my own sudden health crap and h leaving me out west the same month, and the "love of his life OW" posts on FB, etc etc.
T says "sounds like you & your friends have discovered deep wells of resilience."
Ginger, ^^^^ YOU have deep wells of resilience.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
