ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 2

[Treasur]

SJW, you're obviously a smart courageous woman who loves her kids. You are also, some of the time, in shock because this rollercoaster is running at speed...and when we're in shock, our body & brains do that fight/flight/freeze thing automatically. So we spin and overthink. And let's face it, watching our H turn into a teenage alien in front of our eyes takes a bit of adjusting to!

I don't have kids and I can't imagine how hard that must be. And it took me ages to realise that my H was in WTFland....

There are two things you have said repeatedly....and then you chew over them again...but you keep coming back to them so I think this is your gut shouting at you. First is that he is having an A and while he is, that means he is not part of your M or staying in the family home. Second is that this is not your H. Both of those things are about being Real. Consequences for him of the first? He lives elsewhere, he will have some inconveniences, you are no longer part of his back up team, money and practical stuff is going to hurt. MLCers are big fans of avoiding reality it seems and, if you still care about your H, you do him no favours by protecting him from the effects of his own choices. And the consequences of the second for you? The WTF stuff will keep coming. He is not the same man and he will do things that would have horrified your H. And will shock you. He will lie, he will be unreliable, he will only think of himself, he will not be fair, he will spew and whine. None of the old rules apply anymore, just DB & survival.

Detaching you and your children from his rollercoaster is the only way to protect yourselves, and keep reality in your life if not his. I can see from your posts that your wise head and your gut know this...but our poor little brains play catch up between who our H was and what he is now. Please trust your gut. When in doubt, breathe. Do nothing without giving yourself time to breathe and listen to your own gut instinct.