ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 2

[SJW]

Thanks for your comments I haven't had chance to post since last week and also felt that when I was it was starting to consume me which your responses back up. So update time.

I went to the funeral and picked H up on the way. That day and the days since have clearly demonstrated to me and a number of other people that my H is still there but there is another persona that he is constantly switching between and you don't know at which moment which one you are going to get but it seems largely driven by OW, not sure if this is good or bad but with your advice and knowing what I know myself I am trying not to focus on H.

We discussed him moving back until S is settled at new school although I did say I wasn't sure it was what I wanted. He told me that OW is moving to her own place at end of the month and the nights that her H has her kids he will be staying with her. Also the weekends that she has her kids he will see ours. No I'm not happy about him dictating to me but what can I do?

He came home on Friday night and I asked him not to tell the kids this weekend, they had just got really good school reports and have one week left in school so didn't want this overshadowed. He was seeing them next weekend so we agreed to tell them then. He was in H persona, he held my hand and he said I know how difficult this is and whatever you want to do that's fine, I know you only want what's best for them and so do I. 4 hours later he went to the shop 2 minutes away and was gone half an hour obviously on the phone to OW. He came back and H had disappeared and he verbally attacked me, my S was asleep and DO at a friends. He accused me of trying to control him that it was his choice what and when he told the kids and he had plans for next weekend was working the one after and had plans the one after that so needed to tell them as he needed closure. He was absolutely vile and I went to bed to avoid a row after reiterating my reasons and asking him why he had changed from earlier.

Saturday before going to get my DO I asked him again please don't do this, he wasn't happy, accused me of controlling him again but agreed. I came back from picking up DO and H was back, bizarre. He wasn't on his phone all day, painted the spare room with DO helping whilst me and S were painting downstairs. We went bowling then for dinner and he was completely normal, we laughed and joked and generally had a good time, no phone. When we got back I had arranged a babysitter so we could go out and discuss finances which he had asked for. I asked him if he still wanted to do this and he said there's no rush it can't happen overnight we'll do it another time. I asked if he minded if I went out then he asked where and I just said out, he then asked if I seeing a particular friend and I said no.

We got up Sunday to go and watch S play cricket and he was visibly shocked that I was up before him (never happens I love my bed and would always lie in as late as I could). We went to cricket and again it was H but I could see him getting a little edgy. Some friends came to watch and he chatted to them just about the game really then disappeared for a little while, on the phone presumably. When he came back he was definitely on edge and told me that he needed to get back to work once we got home. I said that's a shame I'm making a roast but no problem and joked he miss out. He was obviously stressed and I suspect a little guilty. On the way back S and his friend were talking about there leavers assembly and prom on Friday but we couldn't remember the times. I checked when we got back told H and he said it's Friday I have plans I told you, I said yes that wasn't why I was telling you I was saying it because S will miss cricket practice that's all.

I am so angry that he is choosing to be with OW than see his S on such a significant day in his life but it also hurts.

Positively I did go out on Saturday night and had a good time. I had friends round after he left yesterday and missed the text he sent me until 3 hours later. I met with a solicitor on Friday and know my financial position and his and his is not good he has a big shock coming.

Today I'm struggling a bit but then a lot has happened and it's still so soon. He did say that he didn't expect it to move this quickly and thinks that OW will do the same to him as she has to her H in time. I can't focus on that though because he is still making the same decision regardless and for that and all the other poor decisions I need to keep telling myself he doesn't deserve us.