Hmm I never thought of that before. Weird that he would start a big and expensive project like that while he is disconnecting. I did hear from him that he is going to dinner with us as a family for the boys birthday. I have made a goal for myself. To not talk of any R or anything that resembles R for the rest of July. Aug 6 he takes the kids and leaves for the rest of the summer and travels with them. We used to do it as a family but this year it's just him and the kids and I will stay back and run the business. So I won't see my kids for a month while that bothers me they are all ok with that. So I am trying to be upbeat and positive for them. I don't want to say no to the trip as they do it every year. So it's something they look forward to. And honestly. With working with each other every day it is super hard to detach. So him being gone will a good break. So I'm trying to be light and breezy and leave him with a good feeling of us when he goes away. It's hard to see them all have fun when I am left behind. And yes I am GAL but it's still bittersweet to see them all living my old life without me. My best friend keeps telling me WH is showing signs of coming home or at least being confused. By him telling me of his day last week and now wanting to build up the house. And I refuse to look at it like that because it hurts to much to get my hopes up. My IC who used to be our MC said the same thing. She doesn't think he's gone for good. He's just gone to get some breathing space. There are so many signs of him going to return. But once when I asked to date or if he was coming home he said no. He was tired of my arguiing and accusations. And I will never change. I want to believe he will come home. But at the same time I don't want to live in that constant feeling of hope. I know if I press I will get the answer I don't want. But then sometimes I think it will be better then the limbo I am in. I know I will be ok with out him. That's not what concerns me. I feel that if he is really wanting out then let's get it over with. And I even said as much to him. Let's get it on if this is what you want. But then he won't. So to save me from going crazy I have promised myself a break. Leave it for the summer. Don't talk R. Detach. GAL. Continue working on my house. Lose some weight. And revisit things in the fall when he comes back with the kids. Easier said then done for me.
