Coly.....so glad to hear that you had a nice time of your vacation
I have said this in the past.....I can not imagine having to go through all of this with children. There were days when I had no idea how I got out of bed and went to work. I honestly don't remember a lot of those first few months after BD. So with that said, I certainly hope that you know that you are a fabulous mother to your D, and if she is half as great as you are (which I'm sure she is), then she certainly knows how lucky she is to have you
Our stories do sound very familiar. When I kicked H out, he went to go and live with a friend for a few months, but after that he moved into his own place and made damn sure that I did not know where he was moving to. BUT, as we all know those in MLC, don't always do the smartest things. He gave his new address to our insurance company, and I had to change things with them, and that was when I found his address.
I can tell you that when I filed the divorce papers and he didn't sign them for a few months, I finally was fed up and showed up at his house with them. Lets just say he was shocked when he opened the door and saw me standing there
He later told me he didn't want me coming over unexpectedly, or driving by to see if he was home. He also was very paranoid....his words... and he thought I would give his APs husband his address and he would come to his house and start a fight with him.
I'm glad that you finally packed up the rest of his things. I was like you and did not have any sadness when I did it. I can also say that there were some things that I knew he would want to keep, but I threw them in the trash anyway. I know that probably was spiteful, and a bit immature, but I honestly did not care at that time.
You say you nag, are a little controlling, and you get loud when you get frustrated ....... I think you could be my twin Coly I definitely beat myself up at first for reacting that way at certain times, but I don't do that anymore. All we can do is work on ourselves one day at a time. At least we are working on ourselves, unlike some who don't even want to look in the mirror to see who they really are.
Make your place all about you Coly. Change things that you have always wanted to change. It may sound trivial, but I always wanted to sleep on the other side of the bed, but H liked to sleep there, but now I sleep where I want to sleep
After BD happened my H told me that he hadn't loved me for the past 3 years of our marriage. He wanted a divorce and he gave me several reasons, but the stupidest reason was that "we didn't like the same kind of food" as a reason why we should split up ........ Seriously???
You may never know why he did what he did, or why he left, but that does not define who YOU are. That is his problem to deal with. And to be honest, I can bet you that he doesn't have any idea why he left either.
My H said and did some horrible things to me after BD.......well guess what?? Now he is the one who is trying to come back into my life. He is the one saying that he made all the mistakes and knows what he did was wrong, and that there is no one to blame but himself for all of this. He is in therapy and trying to figure himself out. And guess what else.....I still nag, and am still a little controlling and still get loud when I get frustrated. But, the craziest things is the man who once didn't even want me to know where he was living has now given me a key to that place
........ Seriously???
