My anxiety is still here but I'm trying to curb it before it gets crazy lol
Well I did it! I loaded the truck up last night and was as organized as possible. Gosh I really feel like this was the best morning ever getting out of the house with all 3 kids and not having H's help (normally he does help). This was our first event since he moved out. Anyway I packed the tent coolers bags laid all our clothes out the night before woke up early to feed the baby and the boys got up like a dream ate breakfast and we were ready to go. H comes up from the couch and says 'do I have time to shower' I said I will send you the address it's best we drive separately and walked out the door. My dad sent me a text that he was proud of me for doing everything on my own and what a joke H is that he can't even get himself ready in time let alone help with any of our 3 children. I won't lie, doign it all alone sucked... one of the dads on the team knows about it, he is a L and has advised me on some things as well as referred me to everyone I am seeing. i carried everything alone and left the baby in the car with the boys and he helped me set up the tent. I got back to the car to see the baby had a poop explosion in his car seat all the way up to his shoulders, I changed him in the car got a new outfit etc and then he puked all over both of us. We went to the bathroom to clean up, no soap and no paper towels so I washed my shirt in the sink and sat and dried in under the hand dryer. I swear I thought I was being punked lol. H strolled up after the game started, made his rounds talking to all the parents, Mr. Social. Everything turned out okay though.. he brought me a Fiji water, said he researched that it is the best water for you. He also stopped and got me an Icee and got the boys one too. I just thanked him and continued on with my conversation. The dad that's a L, is nice to H, but obviously is very upset he's doing this. Anyway he got a little dig in and I had to chuckle to myself. We were talking about how his daughters were at this concert and the wife of the singer they said was so rude. I said what does she have to be mad about, she has the world at her finger tips. He goes you know, some people just dont realize what they have, they are too worried with what they think they don't have instead of looking at what's right in front of them. I said ya you're right and smiled.
Anyway, one of the families we hang out with invited us over to swim, cook out, and have some drinks. I am sitting in my room debating on if I should go or not. They know nothing.... the boys want me to go. So I have no clue what I am going to do. I'll probably go and have a good time and come home and go about my business.
So on the boundary discussion ... he doesn't know I know about these women. I thought about giving up the snapchat thing and saying while you are in this home do not disrespect us by engaging in conversation with other women. If he says he doesn't I thought abotu saying well maybe you should tell X that she shouldn't be sending you pictures of her in her bed with a sports bra on and walk away.
I'm not convinced this is the best move but I am putting it outt there for advice, etc.
IRT his mother, they have always had a strange relationship. I don't have enough time to delve into it completely but long story short she is like a child. We always joke about it. She sees disney movies alone and lives in a fantasy land. H and his father never had a good relationship growing up. his dad is a glass is half empty kind of guy. He didn't go on family vacations a lot if he was angry and just is pretty negative. When I first met him he told me don't waste your time with H he never finishes anything he starts. I felt bad that his dad would say that at dinner in front of him. H said his dad has never told him he's proud of him and they dont say ILY. H moved out at age 15 to the girl H's mom had talk to him the nasty one that said all those things to be about how he deserves better etc. He lived with her she was like 25 at the time (I think she's 10 years older than he). His dad never supported any of his sports or endeavors because he didn't like what H was interested in. H older brother and his dad are close. He played baseball growing up which his dad loved so he always participated in his brothers activities. As far as his mom, she lives in la la land. My parents said that;s the only way she can stand to live with her husband. She does not live in reality and never wants to deal with trouble or issues. My dad said she would be the one on the battle field to line up last and let everyone take the fall before her.
I'm not sure how their relationship was when he was younger as far as her expectations of him and what he had to do. I know she took him to his sports events and was very involved but involved in what SHE wanted. For example, the boys when they were younger were picking out a DVD to watch in the car for a long trip, she persuaded them to pick a different movie because it was something she wanted to watch. She's not malicious just very out of touch with reality. She calls me and knows how bad everything is and wants to talk to me about her garden or bowling, etc. She's always been like that, I can remember telling my mom I can't talk to her on the phone becasue the boys would be screaming in the background and I would tell her I had to go and she would continue on about her pool filter or her cable box, etc. She told my grandma she almost lost H last BD and she won't risk that again. She held his feet to the fire last time that she wouldn't have a relationship with him if he did this and he cut her off and ended up apologizing and making things right before he even tried to come back home last time. I feel that made a big difference...
this time he knows he won't have consequences, there relationship will continue on. He told her he was getting his own place and she said she didn't say anything. She told me, 'what was I going to say, he deserves to be happy'
My grandma and her were very close, my grandma came down kind of hard on her and said you know H needs you to be a parent and not a friend. Sometimes tough love is needed, his decision is going ot affect everyone, it won't be everything the same and just he and T won't be married. Everything is going to chagne whether you guys want to see that or not. She said oh no he told me he will bring the boys up for 2 weeks every summer and they will still spend the week with us every time we come down. My grandma said she told her you cannot believe that is the truth...
Anyway, I don't know if that helps explain her better. They don't have much of a relationship as far as honesty, I've always said their relationship is very superficial. He always used to joke and say oh my mom is calling I;m not answering I'll never get off the phone with her, she needs a hobby and needs to get out of the house she's so bored all the time. She lets my dad control her life and doesn't know how to stand up to him to be happy (she wants to move down here he refuses, they live 1000miles away).
I know I was kind to take care of him, it wasn't hard for me, it actually made me feel sorry for him that he thinks there's better out there for him. But that is who I am, I won't let him take that from me. Now once I get served with D papers I may have irrigated his eyes with something that wasn't saline
