Yes, that's exactly what happened, and I agree, she does need help. And she will not find that help in a relationship with me or OM. she needs to do a lot of heavy lifting emotionally and inter personally. From what she has told me, which I don't trust too much, but on this topic I tend to believe her. OM turned out to be a piece of work. Who was controlling, and emotionally alienated her from friends and family. She said once she finally realized what he was, she realized she didn't love him she loved the person he had been trying to be which was me.
No matter, I told WW she had a long way to go before there can even be a conversation that includes "we". I told her she needed to find herself get right with the guilt she carries and make things right with her family. Then we can have a talk about we and if there is anything left. I also told her at this moment after 3 years apart my life has taken me in a different direction, with commitments to my career where I will deploy again. "That is how we got in this situation in the first place." I also told her of my commitment to my GF who in good consciousness I couldn't treat her wrong, for all the love and support she has given me.
I was shocked when she completely agreed with the above things I said. She simply asked me not to close her out of her life all together. She said she does need to just work on her, and she will get right with her family, she just asks that I be available to offer advice or an ear to listen to if she needs it. Because after all the mistakes she has made she now feels completely alone.
I told her I empathized with her feelings and if she needed to talk I'd be available, that it's not about right or wrong but about moving forward and finding out who she is once again and coming to terms with past decisions and acceptance for things we cannot change.
