Betrayed Spouse - Round 2

[dale165]

Thanks tread. I told the people I really trust who asked. As you probably know, people can be judgemental of W plus some are even judgemental of me for wanting W back, including my dad. I keep details low but I'm starting to get bombarded with questions.

As far as plans go, she is making them. I basically left her alone for two months now. I ask her no questions about R or anything really except small talk if she asks. I was in a bubble for many years so I thought maybe I can show her I am fun indeed. We were supposed to go to beach all weekend, her idea. But I did cancel that to prove a point. I know that's conflicting but she did carry our R for most of the time. Just trying to show that I can be fun. Big complaint of hers. Basically I figured something light would not hurt anything vs being 3 states over with her in the event she goes crazy.

I think I'm almost to the point where whatever happens I will be ok. I can remember staring at the fan blades turn to now, big difference.

[T384]

Hey Dale,

Sorry if I'm out of the loop by why are you going with W anywhere??? Is she not still involved with OM? Has she recommitted to your M?

What are you celebrating? If you cancelled to make a point then why are you still doing something with her the same weekend you had plans? I would think the point would be, Sorry W that doesn't work for me, maybe some other time?

I could be wrong but I think she still knows she has you very much on the hook.

I don't say that to be mean just asking

[dale165]

Hey T, sorry I was short on words. Another complaint of wife lol. Man of few words.

She is insisting we go to talk. I did not flat out say no at first but I did say I don't know and she asked several more times to go. From last time I seen her I can sense shes coming to reality.

But for the reason why I going. I think something light may be appropriate. I was never a scumbag husband (physical abuse or verbal, cheating, stealing etc), but I was non existent. I liked nothing. She could have went to the mall and picked up a mani quin and that would have been equivalent to me. About as interesting as a sock. I know what she did was ludicrous. I feel like I'm at place to have a good convo and share intersting stories and things I've been doing.

Believe me I have zero expectations. She may back out for all I know. She may say this is goodbye, who knows. We don't have as much history or cement like others do that I can fall back on. So I would like to see what she needs to say. We attempted to talk last week about this but got cut short since alot of people was around. We were outside but people kept coming and going.

All in all, we have been married a short period of time, no kids. I accepted my faults and ready to see what happens. Hopefully we can get this resolved but I don't plan sitting around waiting forever. She said a hundred times that I used her for practice for my next relationship. I never had a real relationship before her so I was a bit clueless.

[dale165]

So an update on previous update:

I usually don't like to update often bc W is very wishy washy. She is a walking contradiction therefore my posts are contradictory.

So I agreed to go with her to dinner and out (her idea). We were supposed to go to the beach but I canceled. I shoot her a text yesterday asking about specifics so I can make arrangements for dogs, what to wear etc. I get a call later that night and here we go. Master at beating around the bush. Saying maybe not bc I have blah blah to do. I let her talk with the lame excuses then finally say come one whats the deal. Her reply, "Well OM was supposed to go somewhere and hes no longer going so now hes going to find out we went somewhere together". I went silent for a second. Should I explode or agree is what I was thinking. I finally said look, I'm not on OMs timeclock, if you got something important to talk about you know where to find me. This situation is just not working. She cried then said Ill file divorce paperwork. I calmly said that's your descision. Soon after she texts Im sorry. About the 10th time she has brought up divorce then says Im sorry.

You guys have brought up don't give into her. I tried being somewhat accommodating to her because I know I was such a distant husband. I guess I have no choice now to give her zero accommodations. Im at a place where Im not surprised at her backing out but the disrespect eats at me. Subway called me last night and offered me a lucrative deal. They want me to be the spokesman for their new footlong sh!t sandwhich. I had to turn them down as Im already too full from eating sh!t sandwhiches.

I can see a turning point is near with this woman but the frustration gets to me. Ive done a great job at my GAL but I guess I wasn't prepared as well as I thought for when she contacts me. I was doing great at minding my own business. Plus when we talk, I say one wrong word and W says "see your not good at xyz". She has went from using logical reasons of why we wont work to just plain bs reasons. OM likes music concerts and you don't. Give me a break.

Rant over, sorry.

[AnotherStander]

I let her talk with the lame excuses then finally say come one whats the deal. Her reply, "Well OM was supposed to go somewhere and hes no longer going so now hes going to find out we went somewhere together".

Whaaaaaaaat? What kind of strange upside down world is this where suddenly you are the OM to OM?

I finally said look, I'm not on OMs timeclock, if you got something important to talk about you know where to find me. This situation is just not working.

Good response!

She cried then said Ill file divorce paperwork. I calmly said that's your descision. Soon after she texts Im sorry.

I hope you just went silent after that. No need for a reply, or any kind of a followup >>>ever<<< frankly. I really think it's time to go dark on her. She is conflicted, it's going to take losing you for her to finally wake up.

Subway called me last night and offered me a lucrative deal. They want me to be the spokesman for their new footlong sh!t sandwhich.

Brother you have to wait in line, there are a hundred of us in front of you for that gig

[MoveFrwd]

Saying maybe not bc I have blah blah to do. I let her talk with the lame excuses then finally say come one whats the deal. Her reply, "Well OM was supposed to go somewhere and hes no longer going so now hes going to find out we went somewhere together". I went silent for a second. Should I explode or agree is what I was thinking. I finally said look, I'm not on OMs timeclock, if you got something important to talk about you know where to find me. This situation is just not working. She cried then said Ill file divorce paperwork. I calmly said that's your descision.

I think the first thing you nailed. But I wish instead of "thats your decision", you take some power over the situation. In my opinion, you can state at that time that you arent interested in being in any kind of relationship with her while she is seeing OM. And end it there. Saying 'thats your decision' makes it come across like you are comfortable being her plan B if she decides not to file...like youre always going to be there waiting for her to pick you.

[dale165]

Thanks guys! I have not posted a lot of stuff she says bc it makes me look like a joke. Tired of being a joke! She's scared I'm going to hurt her OM. She's 100 lbs and he's probably 220 and I'm more scared of her. Man I'm pathetic lol

I was really trying to strike a balance since I was a real distant husband. I know I was but heck my W probably had me thinking I was way worse. I totally agree with you. Out of options. Time to let go of it all. I did for awhile, probably a good month or so and she would say things like "are you mad at me?". And of course I get sucked in again.

I'm not surprised at her behavior but when I have to hear "OM is going to find out" makes me want to blow something up. If I can just not get sucked in this crap I will be just fine. I'm not a very aggressive person in a relationships but my foot will have to finally come down. Just when I think I think the road is clear, I get a blowout and land in the ditch.

[dale165]

What a weekend. Saturday morning was at the gym. First set of deadlifts, snap crackle and pop in my back. Laid on the floor for at least 5 minutes. Had to get another guy to basically put me in my truck. Later that day Ws mom asked me to come cut a tree down and cut it up with my chainsaw. I tell her I can barely move.

Fast forward to yesterday morning. I'm laying in bed and I here my door open. I'm telling myself there's no way I can defend myself if this is a burglar. Nope its my W. She has not come over even once unannounced since last October. She said her mom told her I was injured. She got me something to eat and drink and basically just talked for hours. She seemed ok this time but still somewhat depressed. Not sure if our situation is creating some sort of crisis. She announced she is becoming a vegan and she's buying a piano and taking lessons. I don't see anything wrong with that but just more things coming out of left field. It was kind of hard to keep my foot down when I can barely move. It was actually pretty nice talking. I had no energy to argue so it was all very good. The hot and cold thing is getting really old but it was nice having her there caring for me.

Before she left she did say our situation will be resolved soon. I did not ask what that meant. My GAL is almost 75% physical activities so hopefully sitting idle wont sabotage my improvements.

[AnotherStander]

First set of deadlifts, snap crackle and pop in my back. Laid on the floor for at least 5 minutes.

Oh wow! I hope you're feeling better now! It's brutal trying to get out of bed for that first week after! I threw my back out a month ago doing back squats. We were working up to a heavy set of 3. I've never liked these super-deep squats they make us to in xfit, my back went at the very bottom of the 2nd rep and I had to ditch the bar which I have never done in my life. I've gone light on any squat movements in the last month and my back is just now feeling normal again. In the future if you hurt it again- do not apply heat for the first 48 hours!! Ice only! Heat will just make it worse.

She said her mom told her I was injured. She got me something to eat and drink and basically just talked for hours.

Very nice of her to do that.

Not sure if our situation is creating some sort of crisis. She announced she is becoming a vegan and she's buying a piano and taking lessons.

Wow. Not sure your sitch is "creating" it so much as it is a symptom of something she's going through (MLC maybe).

Before she left she did say our situation will be resolved soon. I did not ask what that meant.

Who knows. Just remember Sandi's rule about not believing what they say!

[dale165]

Yeah AS back injuries suck! Going on 4th day and still in a fetal position, still cant walk so going to a Doc tomorrow.

Injury did not come without benefits though. Sitting here for 4 days basically disabled gives you no choice but to think. I had this little voice in my head for several months that Ive been avoiding. It says "You are not ready for your wife yet, what are you going to do different if she comes back". I just been avoiding it by lifting weights harder and sparring harder in boxing and jiu jitsu. So here I am now with no crutch.

I like reading 25's posts and she asked someone to write down feelings, I feel statements. My best man said in his speech no one knows what I feel. Well I feel lost, confused, worried, and sad. I told myself I was ready either way if W wants a divorce. Still secretly wish she would call and text. I lived my adult life with this woman to date.

I still go to the IC. I actually look forward to going. Im nervous to tell others how I feel but this guy cant get a word in while I'm there lol. Ive distanced myself a lot from W but its really hard to think about how bad we failed.

I'm really frustrated at how long this has been going on with the amount of hot and cold. I actually am concerned about my W but there's nothing I can do at the moment. Gaining weight, sleeping all the time, going vegan, buying a piano. Just wild stuff.

She texted me yesterday asking me to talk to her dad. She says he doesn't like anyone except me. I'm no doctor but there's just no way he will live for more than a couple more years. Obese, smokes 3 packs a day, and has every medical condition under the sun. Can barely move as well. W wants me to get a list of all his accts so we know what he has in the event of death. If her family wasn't around I could probably detach better. They are definitely not my responsibility but they are dysfunctional with a capital D.

I guess the moral of the story is that I'm still avoiding the situation. Emotionally and loving wise, I'm no better than day 1. Somehow I have been able to put on a front for my W so if I can actually do it I may just have a shot.