I always felt that you and I were similiar in that we both obsess about our sitches.
It's over a month now since W moved away and I feel myself getting stronger and stronger. Yes, it still hurts but I catch myself singing in the car now. Or I catch myself smiling at other people and they ask me why I seem so chipper. HUGE changes for me.
You are at the worst part of the journey right now. I was actually a little surprised I didn't completely fall apart when W left.
Sometimes you just have to say screw it and surrender to what is your reality. Once I did that, I felt such relief. Yes, I still get down and I miss W and D like crazy. But I dont have any control over that so I let it wash over me and then move on with my day.
T3, it gets better. If it has gotten better for me, it will get better for you.
Also, I used to snoop back in the day and started to become an obsession. Once I stopped, my anxiety/depression got so much better.
Look, your H is an ass. He's done this before and he's done it again right as we were ready to give birth. What that tells me is that this really doesn't have much to do with you. It's him. He has issues and I feel confident he would have done this to any woman he was married to.
You can't fix him. You have to surrender that he is broken and unless he realizes this, nothing is going to change. That only way to allow him the opportunity to realize he's broken is to completely and totally leave him alone (aside from parenting discussions). That's exactly what I did and now W is miserable and texting me wanting to fix things.
Stop snooping. Accept that the H you once knew is gone and will not be back for a long time. Surrender to the fact your kids might not grow up with both their parents together. I know you dont want that but it is your reality, accept it. This is currently your life, T3. The good news is that it won't be your life forever. Open your palm and let him go.
As soon as you can do these things ^^^, you will start to feel relief.
