25 - your posts are so thoughtful and insightful. You really push me to dig deep and I can feel the pain you have worked through.
I don't know that he has high expectations of me he just wants to be done because he views me as the problem and source of his unhappiness. That if he eliminates me from his life he will be happy again.
Yes I have to remind myself there's no excuse to leave. My grandma said we all have our faults but it doesn't mean you just walk out. He said he is self absorbed and only worried about himself and his happiness.
I don't know why I struggle so much with him talking to these other women. ESPECIALLY the one from up north his mom got involved. They text constantly and she 100% supports his decision to leave. H is very easily influenced and I can't help but think she's helped him feel like leaving is ok and feeling justified in his decision.
But yes I have my faults but I'm still standing here in our home with our boys willing to look st myself and my contributions to become a better person.
I do hope karma comes around. My whole family tells me it' will but it's hard to see this coming full circle with where I am right now.
Maybell - thank you for your continued support and time to rewatch out to me. I do need to stop snooping.
H told his mom last night he was getting his own place. She said she didn't say anything. I said are you kidding?
This is why he's like this. He's her son and she's so afraid to upset him like last BD that she doesn't want to say anything. So me snooping is a way of preparing for what he's doing because I'm not ready to be the one to act. I'm going to see another L next week but I really don't think I'm THERE yet to file.
Train - thank you. I always always appreciate your support and advice.
I feel like you all are so strong and that I'm just not there yet to let go. Trust me I want to. I really really do. But hearing that he's actually getting his own place And telling his mom about it really put me back.
25 (again) haha - yes he feels entitled and justified. Like my C said he's built up this army of people who support him and tell him he's making the right decision which gets his head bigger and bigger. But my dad said he has no idea what reality is right now. I don't need details of the A. I just need to know for certain there is one. There are too many women he's talking to so At this time I can say he's definitely at least taking inappropriately to women.
I know I want to know why and my dad said he probably doesn't know why. That I just have to know he's a weak man that gives up when there's adversity. That he walks out when things get tough.
MM- thank you for stopping by. We sound pretty similar in our actions/way we see things. Snooping is hard. I want to know and fix everything. I guess I will have to try this box idea. I have found myself talking to myself at times so that I don't explode or send a text I will regret. I'm really losing my mind talking to myself in the car on my long commute lol.
Our AC was on the fritz so H worked on it all night. We didn't exchange 2 words beyond me going out there asking if I needed to call the AC company.
Anyway he woke me up at 2am saying his eyes were blurry and thought he needed to go to the hospital. So I went out to the living room. I had some stuff in the house and flushed his eyes out, he was shaking and in a lot of pain and was throwing up. I stayed out there with him for at least an hour until his vision was back to normal and he wasn't sick... I gave him medicine put wash clothes on his back and told him everything would be okay. It made me sad for him. Sad that this is his life that he can't see that my care for him is unconditional. That he can drag me through the mud and at the end of the day if you need help I would still do that for you ... I was half tempted to tell him to call one of the you know what's he talks to. But anyway I asked him if he needed anything else and went back t my room and haven't talked since. I didn't cling on to anything I was just simply there to help him because I'm sure he got something in his eyes from fixing the AC.
Anyway that's where I'm at... I don't even know. In denial? Sad? Angry? Frustrated? Big time denial is for sure where I'm at.
