Been a hard road to get here but I guess I've had to reluctantly accept that my M is dead, my H is unavailable and no longer loves or cares about me at all. Might hate me actually. Nothing I can do about it but refuse to believe his version of our pretty happy M or of me. I probably was trying to Stand, but I see no positive signs at all of him breaking through after almost 2 years of chaos, so I need to let it/him go to have a non-WTF life. No idea what will happen to him and to be honest, assume I'll never see or speak to him again so I won't know.
As hard as it is dealing with a WAS, an MLCer is a LOT more difficult and painful from what I've read. WAS's tend to change personality a little, MLCers change a LOT. The previous loving, attentive spouse disappears and is replaced by a crazy person. Someone very self-centered, irresponsible and even dangerous. They follow a pretty set script and eventually come out of the fog, but as Cadet said it takes a loooooong time. 5 or more years is not unusual. Most people don't have that kind of patience and move on long before the MLCer comes out of the tunnel. And who can blame them?
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I suppose I think he'll just keep running for years and won't be quite brave enough to stop and deal with the damage in a healthy way.
Yup.
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But it is sad, because as a natural optimist, in the early days (when I didn't know it might be MLC), I hoped that something strong and beautiful would come out of something dark and ugly.
And it might. But the timeline is really long and even if you decide to wait, there are still no guarantees he'll ever be his normal pre-MLC self again (although it does happen).
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Loving detachment and throwing it over the wall to God while focusing on what next for me without my beloved is the only thing that makes sense...
I agree.
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and enjoying being 4st lighter courtesy of the LBS diet, of course!
I often say it's the most effective diet ever, LOL
