Maybe She Isn't Evil

[RDS]

[quote=RDS]
1. Why won't you be there? Curious why you decided to not be there.

I'm a project manager and I have a couple of projects just starting up and the start dates were set long ago and I have to be there. There are too many people to move around to change my schedule. Everything was already been decided anyway and I don't know if I can see my W in a courtroom again. We've been in court twice since she left me and each time my heart broke a little more. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

2. I'm curious as to what your GAL activities are... It surprises me to hear this from you. Sad, upset, I get those feelings, but panic attacks? Are you making the most out of your life or dwelling on the past?

Very ashamed to say, but I haven't done much GAL lately. Too concerned about the job, my move, and of course my failed M. I've fallen in a rut and I am dwelling in the past. I knew moving here I would be hit with a lot of memories. It's worse than I thought it would be.

3. I moved 600 miles away, I felt exhilaration about the move for the first two months, new places to explore, finally lived in a place out of the city, meeting new people... Where would you LOVE to live? Maybe you need to find a job in that place.

I was excited about moving here, but I also had lots of reservations too. We lived here in the early '90s and we LOVED it here. There was nothing but happy times. We celebrated our 10 year anniversary here. Now, everything reminds me of the good times I pissed away. I'm staying at least a year to see if things improve. The pay is good. I have enough money to live comfortably and pay my W the alimony I've been ordered to pay. In the meantime, I will continue to search for jobs in the Dallas area. My D lives there now and she would love for me to move to be closer to her. Living there really would be a fresh and exciting start.

If I didn't have this noose of alimony hanging around my neck I would start from scratch and move out there and live on my savings until I found something suitable. I'm also not afraid to flip burgers for a living until I get on my feet but the way it's designed I'm not allowed to do that.

4. Yes, it [censored]... But you have the opportunity to do whatever YOU want, what do you want?

Stay married to my W. LMAO. I don't know what I want. Still searching.

Your post may have just been a day of wallowing in self pity, but if it represents a bigger picture, you need to work on that. You can be happy, you just gotta find and do what it takes to get there.

I'm not denying any of that. You spoke true words.