Yes, I seriously believe that the controlling issues do stem from my wife's childhood issues. But she tends to contradict yourself, because she may complain every once and awhile that she gets stressed over handling some things. But when I offer to take over, she gets upset. And doesn't want me to interfere. So to avoid drama, I just stepped away. When we first got married, I did everything and consulted with her. But then it felt like I controlled everything and that simply isn't my personality. So I showed her how to do things and allowed her to take over. We both still make major decisions, but for the most part she handles the bills.
We had MR issues prior to the A, so I'm not going to put all of this on her. Or act like the A is what got us to this point. I learned about manhood, fatherhood and being a H from my own father. My parents have been married for 38 years. So Ihandle things like my father would all these years. The problem is that my W can't stand how father does things. So I soent years handling things like my father would, but yet trying to adjust to how my W wanted me to be. Whenever I would say or do what my father would do, W would respond your acting like Tread Sr(I'm named after my father by the way).
W would nag about some things, but I took it as nagging. Especially considering that she would do the same things she complained about. She once complained about me beinge watching 7 sevens of Sons of Anarchy, while during this period she was doing the same with 11 seasons of Criminal Minds. The serious stuff that she buried like you mention, W was telling mutual friends of ours who instructed her to talk with me. But apparently she never bothered. Until it got to the point of her having the A. I found this stuff out after that mutual friend informed me about the things I didn't know about the A.
Also you better believe I'm checking out the bank accounts and questioning everything getting taken out. W got mad last weekend, saying that she doesn't appreciate not trusting her. I simply responded saying that I just want to be more involved. By the way W did open up another account last weekend. But I haven't said a thing about it. Decided I'm going to wait to see how long it takes for her to tell me about it. I'll probably wait about another 2 weeks on that one. Also she does have her own income and we share a joint account. Both are checks are direct deposited into that account. There is nothing thta she holds over my head.
OM lives in VA with his W and 3 children. They're still in contact, but W claims they're just friends now. Claims the few times when the A happened 7 months back that things were just physical and no emotions in mind. But yet W is looking at this guys FB page everyday. And was writing and sending him poetry. Was sending him little flirty photos of herself. All this stuff she denies doing, even though I have proof. At this point, its an EA. Which is all her at this point. Dude fed her the oldest line in the book. That they'll see where things go. OM h as cheated on his own W many times throughout his MR. But never lives and the times that he has, he always came crawling back to his W. This is the guy my W is currently obsessed with, but won't admit it.
I confront W on occasion, telling her that staying in contact with him is disrespectful to me and his W. But she doesn't seem to care and just sticks with the were just friends lie. From the message I found when the A first started. My W plan was to divorce me and still sleep around with this guy regardless if he was still with his W or not. Disgusted that my W was going to settle being the OW to this guy. But knowing my W and the things she has said. She probably feels that if she is good to OM, eventually he'll see her as this great person and leave his family for her. I should leave my W just for being this foolish alone. So things with them are probably in limbo due to me knowing everything, which makes sneaking around difficult. Especially considering we live in TN and OM is in VA.
For GAL, I hike(Thursdays), Yoga(Saturday), flag football(Sundays),go out to an event at least once or twice a week(Friday or Saturday). Working out in the garage(daily). And hanging out with S13 when I can. So I have been keeoping busy. We're still in the same home, W refuses to leave. Hope Iwas able to break down all your questions.
