Ha Ownit, you can be one of my kids any day!

We rode the train into the city yesterday and we all managed to make it out of the house and made the 9am train surprisingly... we took the 945pm train home and it was raining. I was on the wrong side and was on the side for the southbound train. Didn't realize it til after the train had came to the station. If you can picture all of us running in the rain and me pushing the stroller. Quite entertaining for the by standees but the boys and I laughed once we were safely on the train lol

Like I said I know you all think I'm nuts but it really truly doesn't show to the outside unless it's my family that know what's going on. I have distanced myself from majority of my friends who don't know what's going on because I don't want to talk about it but my few very close friends are actively in my life and commend me for continuing on with my life. You guys and my parents are unfortunately the ones that take the brunt of it.

Not that I am excusing my actions. I just don't want this to come off as of how I am in real life.

Today was my last day in internal medicine. I told the dr I'm with not to tear up haha. He offered me a job !!! smile but he said he knows my passion is intensive care but if I was interested in trying to let him persuade me he wanted the opportunity. I told him I'm always open to all offers so at least my day ended on a good note and he sent me home early.

I know the snooping is bad but it's almost like it hurts me more to not know. I have to know to remind myself of where he is at mentally emotionally etc.

I don't believe I'll ever be able to relate to how he just turns his switch off to caring about me and prefers to not have me in his life. Why am I the scape goat for all of his problems from his job the type of dad he is and the man he is. Why is it all my fault in his mind. I'm always the scapegoat and it [censored]

M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14