NYGal Still Working on It

[25yearsmlc]

Regarding my previous post and the responses about getting over my anger toward ow...
Like BluWave said, I think it's particularly difficult because ow is the head of Human Resources here, so her reach extends throughout this place. She has dated at least three but maybe four or more people at our place of employment (was married to one). She has no boundaries and when she sees an opening that might help her and she jumps right in, no matter who she hurts.

Can you change jobs? I'm serious. This^^ is a $hit sandwich you are having to eat everyday. It's not okay. It's not healthy for you. Probably hurts your job performance and I have to say I'm surprised the head of HR has had 3+ relationships with co-workers, never mind married or committed ones...

- as I'm arriving at work on Monday it all floods back. I don't want to see her. I don't want to hear about her. But I have to.

you have more choices than you realize. Get unstuck. Seriously. You do not "have" to be a victim.


And it doesn't help when W hides her phone and doesn't keep promises not to call her "about 100% work related business".

"doesn't help"?? No, it does not help. It pretty much slaps your face with how little the your pain means to her. See what she is doing, please. Not what she says or promises but what she is doing.

That is reality.

Ugh.


That happened this morning. As we agreed, she told me that ow emailed her last night, and even showed me the email a little bit ago. She agreed not to call her as ow requested, but rather to email her back. But she called her cell phone instead.

she broke another agreement. How many is that now? How many are going to be accepted? I'm not being snarky, I'm asking if you know.


So I don't know what to do about that.

sadly, you do know...you just don't want to do it...and I understand


I keep trying to clarify the agreement and insist that she be honest and keep her promises.

what's to clarify? When you have to "insist that she be honest" what does that say about your partner?

Who needs to be told to be honest or reminded of it?


But she's stubborn and will do it her own way. Over and over.

is "Stubborn" really the term here? She lied. She broke the agreement, again. I'm not sure stubborn is the term although it may also fit.

So we struggle. And not to be dramatic, but I suffer. I do. And I wish with all my heart it could be different.

I believe you do suffer. I'm with you there. And no I do not believe your w will ever know how much. You can't make her see it or feel it. If she did, this would not be happening and I know how much that $ucks to hear!

So, my advice? See that you DO have options and stop letting fear keep you paralyzed.

it's NOT as if one of your options here is "a happy honest m with w".

That is not on the table as of now.

And that is a bitter pill to swallow. I wish I could make it easier for you but all I can say is to ignore all the nice words coming out of your w 's mouth, when/if they come

and only look at what is real.

((( )))