Also, I need some advice on this, what to do with social media??? should I unfriend/block/remove her?? I only keep it up in case she posts something about the kids but that is now few and far between.
It's really up to you, if it hurts you to read the stuff she posts then unfriend her. If you don't care then don't worry about it. Some WAS's get angry when their LBS unfriends them, they're usually looking for an excuse to be angry at the LBS anyway but it sure makes a convenient excuse. I never unfriended XW and in fact we're still friends on FB.
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We both had decided to tell the kids this week, I asked her is she was prepared to answer questions? Like if one of our kids asked us if one of us cheated, she started crying and told me she would need to think about what she would say. Well, this week has now come to an end with zero discussion on when to talk to the kids. Of course I do not want to say anything to them unless she is 110% sure she wants to divorce.
Yeah, that sounds good. Just leave her to it. If she wants that talk then she'll bring it up again.
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I have really adopted my GAL trying to figure out more things to do, most involve my kids, we do ask WW if she wants to do the activities with us and she declines, doesn't change my plans. I think she is starting to take notice in what I am doing, how I look , and even threw a compliment my way when I arrived home after my workout.
Awesome stuff! Try to work in some GAL activities that allow you to get out and meet some new people as well. Also it's good to get out and do things alone sometimes, especially after BD we need to learn to love ourselves again.
As always thanks for comments and words of encouragement. I am trying to do as much for me as possible, I do have some setbacks here and there when it comes to family time both immediate and extended. We have been together for over half my life, we are close to each others families! The difference now is WAS is putting on the big fake lying face to everyone including her mom and sister, me on the other hand have nothing to hide! I love the power I have over MY situation currently, of course I know that could change at any minute with WAS. Still trying to GAL more and more, having trouble with the friends part, most of my "friends" are from WAS, I have detached from all of them as they took her side is this already, I lost touch with most if not all of my friends as I moved away from my childhood home years ago. This is something I need to work on. It is becoming easier to work on myself everyday as I can accept the fate of my marriage.
We have been together for over half my life, we are close to each others families! The difference now is WAS is putting on the big fake lying face to everyone including her mom and sister, me on the other hand have nothing to hide!
Yeah the lies are a big part of it. I think the WAS does that so that their network will tell them that leaving is the right thing to do, it's "justification" that they have fabricated themselves, but they want and need it anyway. There was a WAS that used to post here years ago and I remember very clearly that she said she almost decided not to reconcile with her H because she didn't know how to unwind all the damage she had done through her lying. She was embarrassed to have to tell people she was getting back together with the man she had been trash-talking for so long. She did, but she said it was the most difficult thing she had ever done. It makes me wonder how many WAS's don't recon because they don't want to "face the music".
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Still trying to GAL more and more, having trouble with the friends part, most of my "friends" are from WAS, I have detached from all of them as they took her side is this already, I lost touch with most if not all of my friends as I moved away from my childhood home years ago. This is something I need to work on. It is becoming easier to work on myself everyday as I can accept the fate of my marriage.
It's never too late to reconnect with old friends. You'd be surprised how quickly you can pick up where you left off even if it's been many years! I found new friends in unexpected places too. When my gym closed I decided to give Crossfit a try and wow, those people are like family to me now.
I fear that she has told so many people her version of our sitch that I have come across as the bad person in all of this. I do remember a conversation with her when she told me "why would you want to stay with a person that did this to you" I responded because your my wife and the mother of our children. I know for a fact that she hasn't told her family what she has done only that we grew apart. Lies, Lies, Lies!!! I can't take the lies anymore! As far as gaining new friends, I can tell with my transformation(down 50 lbs since march) that I do see some attention from woman wherever I go including the gym. I am considering trying cross-fit, I will try just about anything at this point to better myself and provide a stable positive influence for my kids. I love my "new"self! and yes it will stay private! lol
That's the tough part for me as well Hearing W give the bs story of us apparently growing apart. Anyone who comes to me with that nonsense, I twll the truth. Not rolling with her lie. You should go ahead with cross fit. Going to try losing 7 more pounds,while trying for this 5K.
Thanks Tread, I can't stand the fact that she is rewriting our marital history and how quickly she changed it. I remember certain days and cards I got from her for fathers day, anniversary,my birthday last year where she said that I am her rock and couldn't dream of a better father for our kids and you are such an amazing husband!! I really miss those days. I will be an amazing husband again whether it's for WAS or someone else. On another note, I have planned a weekend trip for me and the kids, should I include WAS??? When I was talking to the kids I never mentioned WAS, I'm sure they just assumed we were all going, do I ask her to go or not, should I leave it up to the kids??? Please advise.
I fear that she has told so many people her version of our sitch that I have come across as the bad person in all of this.
Yeah the chances are good. It's important to take the moral high road. Don't drag her through the mud like she does you. Always conduct yourself with dignity and respect. When people see this crazy woman ranting and raving about you, and then look at you and see a good-looking, in-shape, confident badass that is not returning the misery to her, well you can probably imagine what they're going to think. This is a case where actions speak much louder than words.
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I am considering trying cross-fit, I will try just about anything at this point to better myself and provide a stable positive influence for my kids.
I've been doing it almost a year. I thought I was in shape before, but Crossfit takes it to a completely different level. It is a very humbling experience! But once you get to the point where you can hang with the workouts, it is incredibly fulfilling. You'll do things you never imagined you could. I definitely recommend it!
Doing a 180 my WW had said to me that I wasn't always pleasant to be around in the house so I am attempting to always put on a good face and be cheerful but I do catch myself feeling down quite a bit around the house. I wan't to be happy and cheerful but man is this tough to do around her. I think my problem is that I am still trying to "lure" her back to me instead of doing this for me, hopefully this may become easier once we tell the kids in a couple days. She started sleeping in a different room which has been good for my sleep pattern! I know there is still along way to go, so baby steps.
As far as cross fit goes, its kind of pricey but the way WW is spending money I guess it's time for me to do the same as long as it's to better myself how could anyone including her question it!
