Wife wants to leave marriage 3

[25yearsmlc]

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it's incredibly distracting to be with friends (on a boat, no less) and some weird trigger comes up and suddenly you are OUT of the activity happening and in your head.

Man, I am having to learn some serious "redirecting" of my thoughts in those moments.

The night time ordeals are lousy to awaken to, so I actually prefer them at 2am when I can use the app. and go back to sleep.

OR in the day if I'm alone (no offense to my dog) then I have to regroup mentally. There are short day time pieces on that app.

Finding a job with purpose is going to be a huge asset for me (not just financially I mean).

I'm volunteering and getting out and Lord knows that helps. Every time I'm glad I've GAL.

But even then, there are those moments.

I've stopped wondering if "still h" has those. Reminders or regrets - as He is not in contact with our 2 older kids and barely texts our youngest. H is excellent at having blinders on in the operating room and I believe in his personal choices he's very good at it too. Lots of cognitive dissonance for him and almost a double life. Heck, why do I say "almost"?? It WAS a double life...anyhow...back to US...

Oh, I had a small "aha" moment the other night. A friend who is in my divorceCare group (huge asset and they are national, btw)

told me his separation of 7 months will end soon, b/c his still wife, wants to MARRY her "new" bf.

I blurted out "what an idiot." and I meant it.

Because Only a fool would marry an AP that soon, if ever.

And it hit me that it's probably what my h will do. To prove that blowing up our family & 35 year m was right after all! See how happy HE is??!! What prior marriage? I'm not even sure his new fan base knows I exist, OR he tells them what he told his former employer "gone our separate ways"...just wish I had known before they did.

Must have been me/the kids - obstacles to his happiness.

And it struck me as so absurd and so mentally unwell, I really do care less. I worry the other shoe is about to drop but, one day at a time.

I'm rambling. Anyhow, check out site if you want some revelations and definitely some laughs.

((( )))