Sandi....how can you get the respect back if you are currently separated?
By not letting her switch the child schedule around every couple of weeks, showing up late at kid swap, and basically just not letting her take advantage of you where your time with the kids is concerned.
When she talks to you on the phone, the conversation has to be civilized. She cannot yell, scream, curse, be demanding, give threats, or any behavior along this lines. You can tell her that you will not stay on the phone and listen to her rage (or whatever it is) and you are hanging up. Then do it. Just hang up and when she calls back to chew you out, you don't answer. Her number probably shows up, so don't answer.
If she is the one moved out, don't go inside her new place. Wait in the drive way if you are there to get the kids. However, if you are living in the family home......let her come in, when sh is picking up the kids. She should not be allowed to come & go as she wants.If she ever speaks or does something disrespect to you while inside your house, ask her to leave, and wait to be invited before she enters again. If she has not pack up all her personal things, tell her she has xx days to get them, or you will take care of them. (Pack in boxes and sit in the garage, attic, or somewhere out of sight).
The stories we hear on the board have some doozie WW's. It's like they try to give the H a hard time every way they can. He does not have to take it. When she sees he won't be manipulated, she may be angry for a while......but she will see it as strength, and respect him for it. This can be a numerous things, but usually she uses the kids. Like, wanting them to stay non-scheduled nights with you b/c she can't get them to school the next day. The more you rescue her, the longer it will take before coming out of her waywardness.......if ever.
Is this a physical separation? If so, you can't let her manipulate you with the kids. Don't let her use you to shuffle them around, just b/c she is doing something else. Do not let her use for to help with something at her place. Don't rescue her. This is what she wanted, so allow life and its realities to hit her.
If in-house separation........it may be more difficult. You would do the examples I posted to Tread, but when you are S, she thinks you have no right to tell her anything.....b/c you are S. But she's wrong. As a man she is disrespecting...,,.you have every right. It is the same right you would have if a total stranger who started showing disrespect. But it's more important to stop this in its tracks with your WW, b/c you will have some amount of contact with her, even if you are S.
If I were to ask you guys how would you handle some of the stuff she dishes at you........if she was another guy? Is it b/c she is a woman that makes you crawl up in a ball?
I am curious to hear honest answers about this question.......what would you do if it were a man?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
