May or may not help with friends talking to her. If I remember the book right MWD said it could potentially help but backfire just as well.
Our best couple friends are just like yours that you mentioned. We did everything together. The woman actually tried giving my W the benefit of the doubt but still condemned the A but wife just ran even further. My W is now just worried about her image so she constantly asked me who I told. I may have told 4 trusted people just trying to keep judgement down. So I guess what I'm trying to say is if the pepole won't agree with your W, she will prob run further. Not to say she won't realize the loss further down the road. Totally understand your predicament.
M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year T 7 Years
For the record, I never asked them to say a thing to her. But they care very much and every time they would call. They would ask my W if she had gotten things straightened out with herself and at least try to work on the marriage. Like I said one day W will realise all that she has lost chasing after OM who won't even put in the effort to deal with her. I just know that when that day comes my W won't know what to do with herself. And there's a strong possibility that she may try to cause harm to herself. So if she does beg for me to take her back one day. Then that's another issue that I'll have to deal with.
For the record, I never asked them to say a thing to her. But they care very much and every time they would call. They would ask my W if she had gotten things straightened out with herself and at least try to work on the marriage. Like I said one day W will realise all that she has lost chasing after OM who won't even put in the effort to deal with her. I just know that when that day comes my W won't know what to do with herself. And there's a strong possibility that she may try to cause harm to herself. So if she does beg for me to take her back one day. Then that's another issue that I'll have to deal with.
Tread, I wouldn't tell them not to say anything to her, but I wouldn't tell them to say anything either. If they ask you what you want them to do then ask them not to intervene. But if they're doing it on their own then let them. If your W says anything to you about it then just validate- "oh wow, I didn't know they were doing that, it must be frustrating, is that how you feel? I can understand why you would feel that way." You can't stop people from talking to her because let's face it, people love drama and they love to get in the middle of it! But don't "rally the troops" yourself. Does that make sense?
Came home from the movies with S13 this evening to find where my W accidentally left the lyrics to a Jill Scott song on the computer. Here are the lyrics:
Hey Mmmm hmmm, Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen to me Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, listen' I've been talking to this man He's been saying what I like and He makes me smile, When I'm down, so down He says sweet things in my ear All the things that I needed to hear But that's as far as it's gone I promise, I promise But I enjoy it, I love it so Cause it seems like I'm always alone You're at arms reach But baby, Where are you? Where are you? Cause I got this fire Sweet and true But I'm cold as ice around you Cause I'm lonely Whenever you're around Cause I'm lonely Whenever you're around Whoa, whoa, whoa What happened to the wonderful thing we had…
Not sure if I should take this as some sort of sign to make some changes to pursue or just keep on with my detaching? I just know that W got grilled pretty hard from our friend last night when they went out for coffee. Our friend talked to me earlier about their conversation. W clearly had no answer or justification that made any sense. Plus our friend stated that all W did was lie about every and anything. From what I gather, I believe she is through with my W. Or at least going to limit the relationship. Another long time friendship changed due to W failure not to leave OM alone. Interesting thing is that OM is not losing or sacrificing a thing for my W. But she is about to lose everything, just for the hope that she might be with him. Its the saddest thing I've ever seen. Trying to completely detach, but there is a part of me that wants to wave a wand and fix what's going on with my W.
I believe that I am officially ready to fully detach from W. Just had a talk in regards to our finances. Which led to W bringing up that she hadn't been in communication with OM in months. Told her that I know she isn't telling the truth about OM, therefore I wasn't going to discuss this matter. I should have walked away after that, but I was working on the computer and she continued to nag. And bring up why I even wanted her to begin with. Every time I tried to explain, I was constantly interrupted. W brought up the negative things I said about her. And I explained that I want the person you was, not this person who is doing all of this sneaking around. The person who is wanting to still sleep with a guy who threatened me. Told her that the W I had wouldn't have entertained that even after cheating.
Somehow she brought up OM again. And somehow tried to make it seem like my feelings towards him were nothing but a joke. From there I yelled telling her that "I don't think you screwing your sisters cousin is funny." The door was closed to the office, but there's a chance that S13 may have heard that. W then accused me of doing on purpose once again not owning up to her stuff.
From there I told W that she should seriously consider moving out for the sake of the both of us. W says she doesn't have to move and won't. Clearly this divorce process is going to be a long 5 months of us dealing with each other. But I seriously just want her gone at this point. I could tell that she seemed somewhat hurt by me saying this. But like I told her. "I need you gone, so I can move on, be away from this drama and be better."
Once again yesterday, W asked why I loved her. But once again kept interrupting before I could get the words out. I know that I am detaching. But should I actually write down the reasons to text or email to her since she asked? That way, I can answer the question without interruption.
Thanks for the advice. To be honest, I'm not sure what the status of the A is. W claims they barely talk, but our friends. But I honestly don't believe her, because Ihave caught her in lies. So Ideal with my W as if the A is still going on. For the most part, Ibelieve that its all my W. Almost certain that she stares at his photos on FB page everyday.
Not sure if anyone of you all have ever felt like this. But a little after midnight last night, I just suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of guilt in regards to my MR. Just had these thoughts and feelings that it was all my fault for not being able to keep it all together. Everything was going fine with me, but that feeling came out of nowhere and lasted about 10 minutes. Everything was back to normal after that. But I have no idea what brought that on. Has this happened to anyone else?
