Finding my way in the dark - Part 2

[Holding]

When she feels a lot of pressure from you, all she can think about is escaping the pressure and convincing you that her decision is final. Once you lift the pressure, she has space to think about what she's doing. The more space you give her, the better.

The WAS goes through a cycle of Resentment => Anger => Guilt => Resentment => Anger => Guilt

They stay in that cycle as long as you keep pursuing and/or making them responsible for your feelings, and while they're in that cycle they are completely incapable of seeing anything you do as good.

When you take pressure off, they can move on to: Doubt => Fear => Remorse => Resolve => Doubt => Fear => Remorse => Resolve

When they're in Doubt/Fear/Remorse they actually CAN see the changes you're making and what's different, but when they go into "Resolve" they basically recommit to their course of action.

If you start pursuing again during this delicate cycle they immediately go back into the Resentment/Anger/Guilt cycle and shut down.

That's what people mean when they say its like trying to hand feed a squirrel -- it's so easy to send them spiraling back.

Wanted to kick things off with this awesome breakdown of the 2 cycles from Acc in my last thread. Not sure if this came from your brain, Acc, but this is gold!

So what breaks them out of the second cycle? Is is that they go through Doubt/Fear/Remorse so many times that they might actually skip Resolve and stay in Remorse?

And I often hear from people something like, "It's not time to stop LRT yet." When is it the time to stop LRT? How do I know? Is it when W is committed to reconciliation?