I appreciate the concern and I do have some of it myself. But let me just sent you verbatim what she wrote to me an hour ago.
"BTW last night when I was telling you that it felt good to have someone say those things to me I was talking about how the initial appeal happened, not presently"
"I kind of am apprehensive because when I try to open up to you, you act calm and then at a later time you start saying things that seem like you're using my words against me"
(the second one is me basically on here when I said I took a step backwards or whenever OM is being brought up. This specific instance was what I wrote about earlier about what she said last night and I didn't really say anything this morning other than that it is clear she is confused about what she wants and what his role is in her life)
"When I think about living alone or staying somewhere alone I really do think about being away from literally everyone"
and
"And yeah I do think about hanging out with him again but that's because I want to be his friend. And I know I [censored] a lot up and there's a lot I regret because he really does have the potential to be a good bro"
I know she could be playing me. I know she could be wanting to eat her cake too. I know all of that but tell me that a) she isn't at least trying (even with me having some emotional moments) and that b) she isn't trying to be honest and open in communication and that c) she really seems to be torn and confused.
And here is a follow up. She complained that she has no say over finances (I tried to get her involved but either I ignored her or she changed her mind) and with her not having her own bank account (she had poor credit when we met) I figured this would help her feel more empowered and less controlled (even though she has access to all accounts and credit cards but I guess it's not the same)
ME: "anyway I hope you like this sheet i made with finances and working on the chores one. I don't want to decide all that alone but I figured I would make a start"
HER: "Yes that sounds great. We can set aside time at home to work on it..."
ME: "one thing I have really enjoyed lately is working as a team. I always missed that."
HER: "I am just so scared for many reasons right now and I don't want to make any fear-based decisions"
