SJW, saw your note in the other thread, sorry for not checking in more often but when I do you're usually getting excellent advice that would be the same as mine anyway so that's why I haven't been weighing in. I went back a few pages to try and catch up. Honestly I see a LOT of H-centered dialog going on here. I was a little shocked that you're talking about letting him come back, and going to the funeral with him, and buying a ticket for him for your son's game when just a few days ago you said THIS:
Originally Posted By: SJW
I said to my friends last night it's like my H has died but physically he is still here. He isn't the person I married or spent so many years with. He isn't even the same Daddy to our kids as he was, it's like he doesn't want to be around them. He is stressed and short tempered not the laid back fantastic Daddy he was it's so sad.
So a lot of times when it's MLC we hear the LBS talk about how their WAS seems to be a victim of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The word "alien" gets used a lot. What you need to understand is that HE REALLY IS NOT the same person anymore. So what do you hope to gain by letting him move back? What does that look like to you? Because it's likely to be a lot more pain, misery and suffering frankly. Unless you're just wanting a roommate to help with stuff (and I'm not even sure you could count on him for that). MLCers do often come out of the fog and get back to their normal selves, but it can take years. Sometimes many years. I think you're still banking on some hat trick that will bring your old H home and return everything back to normal, but it's just not going to happen. So you've got to get busy planning for a life around this crazy person that isn't your H anymore. Potential recon is way down the road.
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I know this is a marathon not a sprint but he is sprinting ahead and whilst I'm really trying to be upbeat in his company I'm finding it incredibly difficult.
Well yeah, they sprint away from the LBS at full tilt. That's pretty typical. If you can remove all pressure (I don't think you have yet) then he may very well quit running so fast. He's sprinting because he thinks you're hot on his heels. If you go about getting YOU in order and quit paying attention to him then what does he need to run from?
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The fear of this weekend and how my kids are going to react is all consuming.
No need for it to be. The kids usually do much better with those talks then any of us expect them to. They already know what's going on so it's not going to be much of a revelation.
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The kids went to bed and he was going to stay for a bit I asked him what for and he said OK I'll go then as if this is all my fault. Then he text me to let me know he was back, why?
Being polite? But really who cares? What are YOU doing for YOU? What are you doing to GAL and detach? What are your plans for you and the kids, short term and long term? Try to quit obsessing over H and go about the business of making a new life for yourself.
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Just opened a drawer to get my S's medical card out and on top was my Valentines card from him telling me how much he loved me. 4 months before BD, how can things change so quickly.
None of us ever really get an answer to that. I suspect there are chemical changes happening in the body that we don't currently understand, brought on by an age trigger or some kind of event maybe. But who knows.
