Since my last update nothing much has happened, the contact has become non-existent and when she does initiate contact it's usually just a "hello" as she picks the boys up from me.
GOOD! That will help you detach and eventually may help her to stat missing you.
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I have seen no improvement with her wanting to pursue but it is still relatively early, I am slowly adjusting to the fact that our M will more than likely not R and am learning to adapt to the situation.
Too soon to know what she will do but I do think it's healthy for you to adapt and move on.
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It's becoming a fight me wanting to continue to work on my M or just to cut it loose and concentrate on the boys and me BUT I'm not a quitter and not fighting for my M feels like quitting...
In DBing terms, fighting your your M is NOT doing all of the begging/ pleading that you brain is telling you to do. Leaving her alone and giving her time and space is HARD WORK because it is NOT what you want to do! Doing that is NOT quitting! Sometimes not doing anything is the hardest thing of all to do
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I'm not interested in another R as I still deeply L my WW so can continue to detach, work on myself and get out more whilst being a great father and this is what I intend to do.
Great attitude! You do that and you will emerge a winner no matter what happens to your M.
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I'd like to ask for input from other's that have looked at themselves to see what made the M turn bad and what they did to improve it/them. I feel now that I have all this free time I should be looking at the core problem with me and my R with the WW and continue to improve me for my next chapter whether with my W or someone else.
First of all, we all come here thinking we did something terribly wrong and wanting to know how to "fix" it. Honestly most of us were guilty of nothing more than just becoming too complacent in life. Think about what your W was originally attracted to. What kind of guy were you? You mentioned a military leadership role, so I bet you were strong, in great shape, confident, independent, authoritative. Are you any of those things now? Probably not. And that is NOT your fault, that is life. We get married, we have kids, we take on a new role as loving husband and father. We become dependent on our W's because that is what marriage is supposed to look like, right? We are too busy with careers and kids to work out, to be romantic, to have frequent sex. We pitch in with chores around the house. Our behavior changes from alpha to beta. Our spouse gets bored, and they go looking for that alpha we used to be. This is the whole idea of getting out and GAL, of getting in shape, dressing better, becoming independent. ALL of that is ALPHA. It's about becoming the person she was originally attracted to again. Quit pursuing her, quit being mopey, quit worrying about whether she's coming back. Focus on YOU. You will feel better about yourself, and in the end it may bring her back.
