Here again part 10

[25yearsmlc]

Train's

hit on 2 things I want to reiterate

your h did fire you from the wife job. I'm so sorry as I KNOW that hurts to hear. Believe me it was only a month or so ago that I could hear that and not feel a gut punch. It still hurts, but less.

So what's with all the "should I do X"???? Nope...

(I acknowledge the increased hassle of not having him around...but the thing is, you don't have him around now - and when you start to wonder these things about including him so you can get help - totally understandable - you are forgetting he's not reliable! You are hoping he will revert back, if only for the day...but dear God that day will $uck for you.

He's not who he was...remember?)

his statement that he feels nothing for you other than the mother of his children was cruel. Period. Yes you can say "but is he clueless?? Maybe that feeling is only Temporary??" .

But...so?? It was horrible of him to say.

Last, ...Train has a great point about when to be ready for it. The name itself turned me off but someone told me it was hilarious, and that tempted me so much I had to look. And I have laughed when i really needed to, while also having realizations.

And yes, something clicked in me when I realized how much heavy lifting I had done for so long, to convince myself that the few scraps he threw me, were enough to overcome the massive evidence that he simply was not as interested in our family or marriage - as he was in his tundra adventures or his exit affair with the OW...

and even though my ego is very sore from the bruises, and I was on my knees thinking I was so lacking for h to choose a place over me/our family, again (I gained 15 lbs!! I had suddenly hospitalized with seizures and was thus "needy"! I had been a shame & not run for the US Senate!" - yes an actual comment h made in total seriousness..)


.I'm embarrassed to say that I bought into his insanely high expectations of me and self servingly low ones of himself as a dad/husband...which was a recipe for my self esteem to erode a whole lot...

I mostly see him differently now... and I feel better. My detachment has moved forward. I'm not blaming myself nearly as much. I'm throwing his choices back to his shoulders...

and That is why I mention the site

but I'm not you.

One thing at a time...