Here again part 10

[Train]

I haven't heard from him today, not surprising but no clue on if he is planning on coming here. He had been texting me when he was on his way home from work and used to ask if I wanted him to stay the night. The last week he has stopped asking and stopped telling me he is on his way and just shows up as he pleases at whatever time he pleases

Short response: He's the distancer. You're the pursuer. You've flipped the switch. You're now the distancer. No distancer wants to be the pursuer, so he's going to pull allllll kinds of manipulative tricks to turn you into the pursuer again. The easiest trick in the book is to not contact you. It would usually make you (a pursuer) chase him. DO NOT fall for that silly nonsense. Stay the course and watch how HE becomes the pursuer in time ....

Point being, do I ride with H to the tournament?
We're DTR, remember? Make your plans to get you and the kids to the tournament, whether that's with friends or family. Don't factor in H. And if H mentions the tournament - or y'all riding together - at the last minute, just tell him you and the boys already have plans to ride with others. Easy. And perfect.

Do I suggest we drive separate?
No. You just either A. have a friend show up and pack up their car with everything ... including the kids ... and leave, or B. wake up early, pack up your car .... including the kids ... and leave. If H gets up and participates and you don't mind if he rides along, then let him ride along. You don't wake his sorry a$s up, though, and you don't remind him about what time he will need to be up or anything like that. Basically to you, he's an annoying fly on the wall, and you treat him as such.

Also, next Saturday there is an international soccer match we bought tickets for back in March for the 5 of us... Do I tell H it isn't a good idea that he goes?
Do you have the tickets? If so, then no. You don't tell him a thing. You just assume he's not going because he's up someone else's a$s and surely he wouldn't expect to go with you since he's out courting a woman and her family instead of his wife and her family. Don't give his sorry a$s a ticket, and don't even mention it to him. If, in the 11th hour, he shows up at the house, have the guest there that has taken his spot and act surprised that your H would even THINK that he was still invited because, well, why WOULD he be? He has checked out of the family. He has fired you as his W. So NO. HE DOESN'T GET A FREAKING $100 TICKET TO WATCH SOCCER. IN FACT, HE DOESN'T GET AN ESCORTED WALK TO THE FRONT D@MN DOOR!

Sorry for yelling. But that deserved emphasis.

the comments people post on the... blog? If that's what you're referring to I believe many of them post here and/or there are so many people that get put through the same crap

The ... is fab. I like to read her now, even though H and I are back together. BUT (and though I can appreciate the sentiment from others suggesting you read her site), you REALLY have to be "ready" for that reading. You're probably not there yet. It took me a longgggg time. But when you ARE ready, you will know, and you will appreciate it and find it, well, humorous. And possibly helpful. And empowering.