Own, I am not quite ready to file for that today, I am meeting with a few other L just to feel out who I like and to get my name on everyone's list so it leaves H with little to choose from lol. I'm sure there's someone else but I just haven't found concrete proof - my dad said this is his second time around so he's probably just better at hiding it. And that he's nicer this time because he's done this before and knows what works and what doesn't.

Sandi- I am slowing letting the rope drop. I am going to get there. I don't want to make excuses for him... I just am trying to realize my side of the street and hearing him utter those words to me so much over the last 4 months that it's me starts to get in your head. But, like my dad and other family members have told me, no man with character or a conscience walks out on a family with a newborn baby. I read this article today that says once you get married its not about your happiness anymore, its you before me and we before I.

He did say I pushed him away, pressurign him to know if he was IN or OUT of the M and that I wasn't happy with the fact that he was TRYING but didn't know if it would work out... so that's where those thoughts come from.

As far as A, you're right, it doesn't make a difference really right now and obsessing about it makes what's going on about him. I guess knowing it was happening would make me feel better in a creepy way (it would hurt like heII too) but at least then I would KNOW it wasn't me... it was that he succumbed to his weakness and chose the easy alternative.

Maybell - I do believe what you're saying. I don't believe ANYTHING he does is for anyone but HIMSELF. If he does somethign that some people would read as a positive - I don't believe it --- I believe every move is calculated and he's only doing it because he wanted to. I really started believing that after this weekend when S9 asked him to come to pick out a fishing reel/rod set up and he declined. I was very say for S9 but we got it taken care of on our own and had a good time at that!

And yes, my friend said she knows H is just concerned with how everyone is going to look at him. SHe said that's why when soccer starts back up he's going to be feeling things out. She said he's the type of person that is so concerned about his image and doesn't want people to think badly of him. I won't share details but I won't protect him like I have been for months... My dad said I won't need to share anything but saying he moved out. He said people will make their own assumptions and judgments just on the fact that we have a newborn - he said need not to say anymore than that. Haha, my dad has a lot to say obviously... we are both talkers incase you all have noticed smile

Ginger - You're a tough cookie and it sounds like your dad is just as supportive as mine is. I appreciate you coming back and always reminding me that it's not just me. I get in my head a lot and let H get in my head. I know I have faults and I have things to work on but as I told that nasty girl up north who messaged me saying obviously something is wrong with you if he had to leave you twice and that I need to see that hes not the one that's wrong --- I replied that I know I have my faults but the difference is here I am standing here willing to work on myself to better myself, I didn't run away the moment things got tough and the moment we faced adversity. That was a few weeks ago, I have not replied to her since.

I know I'll survive and one day i will look back on this time as a distant bad memory.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14