Here again part 10

[sandi2]

Yes Im civil in front of the kids, but I am not your friend. I'm either your wife or just the mother of your children. I am not your buddy. I can be right in front of the kids but I don't need to talk to you or chat unless I want to which last night I didn't feel like it so I didn't. If that makes me cold and a bitch and someone thats unattractive to him then I guess that's what it will be.

Well.........I do believe I am seeing some rope sliding. It starts with this kind of right thinking, T.

I love him. i love the life we built together, our 3 beautiful boys, this property we purchased to build our dream home less than a year ago.

You love the life you had.....and what you thought was secure. You love the person who had the kind of character a man, H, and father should have. And that is the person you have trouble letting go. That's the man you miss. That's who you want to come home. You may need to grieve for who he is used to be. ((T))

You talk about your old self and what she would have done. She's still there, but you keep telling her lies.

He is lost, he wouldn't leave me for someone else, he must just being going through something. I must have really pushed him away like he said. Why did I do this? What is so wrong with me that he felt he had no choice but to give up? Am I so terrible that he can't stand to even attempt to make this M work because he hates me that much?

This ^^^^^^^^^^ is destructive self talk. It is taking all the blame for his actions, and painting him to be some kind of innocent little boy who was mistreated by his big, bad W.

Maybe I did this and he;s not wayward or MLC and he just truly is done because of me and will be happier without me in his life.

If what you say were true.......then why the change in him? You know what I mean. Why did he wait till the worst possible time to walk out? Initially, I wanted to think it was pressure, or some deep hidden issue....like a split personality, or something. As for giving him a label of wayward, MLC, or WAH.........I am reminded of something Vanilla said. She said she believed in bad behavior. I think it sums this up very well. I mean, why his attitude and lack of interest in his own newborn son, or the other two, for that matter? This is not what a man of honor does, T, and I don't care how bad the W may have been.........an honorable man does not walk out on his 8 month pregnant W (carrying his child) and his other young children! And every time you start taking all the blame for his behavior........I am going to tell you his character is not honorable. If you were so awful, there were other ways, decent ways, he could have handled the situation. I still agree with your dad 100%. Your H found a new pu$$y and his integrity went out the window. And even if there was no OW, would you want to have him back, knowing this could happened again at any time? An OW in the picture makes more sense about his behavior. It doesn't make it right, but makes sense. Otherwise, it's just creepy.

Yes the OW thing is an obsession for me. I am getting better at being LESS bothered by it but it eats me away to feel so REPLACED. The other thing is I am so pushed to get this AHA moment of I caught you because last time he hid it for months and then TRIEd to act like it just happened, I know it doesn't matter but my thought is you aren't going to lie and say it just happened again and that it wasn't WHY you left. BUT YES all of this is a mute point - CHECK.

I think it must be an obsession with all LBS, and I would probably be the same way. As an observer, however, I can see what it's doing to the LBS. If I recall correctly, how he was behaving was the obsession.......and you wondered if he was cheating.

I see LBH's wanting to punch OM's lights out, and they want their WW to know that they know about the OM. So, it's not unusual to have these feelings. But it doesn't solve anything. For whatever good feeling you might have in catching him, it wouldn't last. We know from the last time, it won't matter if he's caught.

So anyway, positive self talk and attitude will help in DTR. I know you have spunk! You just need to stop listening to your lies and let spunk rise. And as Train would say......shine baby shine. (What a great group of ladies you have, here. Loved reading their posts. As my granddaughter would say.....Yeah, Girl Power!)