Trying to detach from WTF world

[Treasur]

Took me ages to really see it was classic MLC. I'm not crazy to think it looks like MLC right? To be fair to me, he had been diagnosed with MH stuff. And I was frozen in grief really over the loss of all three of them at the same time. I think my brain just stopped.

Cadet: I think my reason for emailing is to clarify my boundary because I think he didn't hear me. I said no to talking now unless he made a significant gesture to show me some respect. But I also said the window for any talking stops when the divorce is final. His 'not my paradigm' comment stuck with me...I think he heard an endless open door and that isn't true. What would I need him to do? Pretty simple but I didn't spell that out either. Agree a generous £ settlement to stop the to/fro that he thinks is stopping us talking but I need to protect myself. Press the pause button on finalising the divorce for 6 months to give us a chance to talk. Talk to me f2f. So it's about being clear (boundaries are tough) and knowing that his listening/memory skills are pretty poor right now.

AnotherStander: GAL is what I've been dragging myself into since April...doing better but not great tbh. Better with social stuff, struggling with work direction. The financial stuff? No, don't think he is consciously trying to stiff me with debt but his finances are a mess and some strange stuff in there. Tbh, I don't think he considers the impact on me at all or on him. Which is one of the things I think kicked him out of the undergrowth actually...I think having to pull the £ stuff together forced him to look at realities he's been avoiding about his own actions and it hurt him to see it possibly.

Timelines? My best guess is that he started brewing quietly in early 2013...replay maybe a bit before BD so late 2014. All logic (and reading here) suggests that I need to get off this ride because I reckon it's got years in it and I can't do it. What threw me was his sudden reappearance with 'let's chat'...and how it triggers that little bit of hope/doubt just as you've started letting go. I am seeing an IC, as well as my obsessive chanting of the Serenity prayer, and frequent chats with God (when i often suggest that whilst I'm sure he has a cunning plan, it looks chit from here!)

I know I'm more detached than I was. I know I'm focusing on me and what next more, even than a month ago. I suppose I'm frightened that detaching is really because I've given up hope that the person I love will ever be seen again. And maybe I'm frightened that I'll stop loving him and that will trash all my memories of 20 years too, if that makes sense? It feels like more of an emotional struggle than a practical one really