Wow! Well first let me say that I am very sorry you're going through this! He sounds like a full blown MLCer which is miles worse than dealing with a WAS. It sounds like you are already very familiar with the DBing basics and have been practicing DBing. I think you are doing quite well other than the emotional ties you still have to H. Unfortunately that just takes time to get over. The best suggestion I have for you is to really try to GAL, especially in trying out activities that help you meet other people. You didn't mention GAL, is that something you've been actively doing?
Also I wanted to ask about the D paperwork:
Originally Posted By: Treasur
June 2016 H finally produces some D paperwork which shows some pretty shocking stuff including PA, huge debt, fraud and secret part-time life with PA a few miles from our old house from about July 2016.
He listed fraud in the paperwork? And the debt, is he trying to saddle you with part of the debt he has incurred?
Quote:
I could feel something had shifted but told him no thank you. That I couldn't talk to people who lie to me, steal from me and treat me with no respect. H says understands that he needs to 'earn my trust' and 'wants to salvage something kind from this horrible mess'. We agree it's a horrible mess and I point out that it is his horrible mess not mine, and I'm leaving him to it. I say we can communicate about practicalities by email.
Yes, you handled that really well! I agree that it sounds like you can't trust him and even cracking open the door is just opening yourself up to more emotional abuse from him.
Quote:
I love my DH - did I say that? - and I wanted to believe he would reemerge from the fog. But as the WTF stuff piled up, I started to force myself into looking at what I didn't want to. Little building blocks of acceptance. The two biggest ones were realising that more after 18 months, none of this made sense and it wasn't getting better and staying here was literally killing me.
I am not an MLC expert, but from what I've read you're looking at a long, long recovery time. 18 months is probably not even halfway to clearing the fog. I think you're taking the right approach in trying to distance yourself from him and his mess and pull your life together. He will probably emerge from the fog some day and may be ready to recon, but it's probably going to be a while yet. There is nothing wrong with continuing to love him, you have a lot of heart and spirit to hold onto that in the face of this kind of treatment!
Quote:
I don't want to but I know I have to, if that makes sense. I need to feel like me again instead of the battered version. I want a life without lies and WTF and destruction and confusion and H seems to like living there, so he has to go.
Be patient with yourself, it takes time. It sounds like you are on the right track, but don't expect to get well right away! Are you seeing an IC? If not I think it would help. Good luck!
