From cadence: "Does having this career loyalty to OW and excuse to communicate with her, and then a choice to tell or not tell you make her feel powerful? MOST LIKELY, YES.
Does it allow her to feel in charge of you and your relationship? THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.
Does it make her view herself as the real adult and you as some sort of dependent? I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THAT, BUT IT IS DEFINITELY CONTROL. AND WHEN IT COMES UP AND THE ARGUMENT FOLLOWS, SHE LIKES TO PULL OUT THE FACT THAT THE HOUSE IS HERS, NOT MINE, EVEN THOUGH I DO 99% OF ALL HOME MAINTENANCE MYSELF OR ARRANGE TO HAVE IT DONE.
And, most of all, does it create a natural obstacle to her full commitment to you? YES. SHE HAS BEEN GUN SHY ABOUT MARRIAGE FOREVER, AND SO WE HAVE NO LEGAL BOND EVEN AFTER 11 YEARS. SHE SAYS SHE'S COMMITTED BUT THEN SHE REFUSES TO LOOK AT MARRIAGE OR PUTTING MY NAME ON THE HOUSE. SHE ADMITS THAT NOT TELLING ME WHEN SHE COMMUNICATES WITH ow MAKES THINGS WORSE, BUT SHE STILL CHOOSES TO LIE OR KEEP THINGS FROM ME. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. AND IT KEEPS ME AT ARMS LENGTH, EVEN AS SHE SWEARS SHE WANTS TO SPEND HER LIFE WITH ME AND IS FULLY COMMITTED.
Thanks for telling me that story, cadence. It's so crazy how we have these hidden reasons for the way we act or react.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
