Boston Dad in need of Help

[Accuray]

The next thing I believe she is going to realize is that being single in your mid 40s with two young kids is not going to be all what is is cracked up to be.

True! exW has definitely found that seeking a relationship with someone who is single is totally different from having an affair with a married person you work with. It's much more work and far less fun. It's reality versus fantasy.

I'm really having a tough time accepting what's happening and how the woman I fell in love with, who bore my child, resents me so much.

Yes, its awful. Conflict avoidance does this to relationships, it just builds up and builds up until one person blows like a volcano and the other person has to play catch-up. Better to raise issues as they arise. I read a book called "Rock the Boat" I believe about this -- your best bet for a long relationship is to speak up and say "the way things are going isn't working for me" and your partner either needs to work with you on a compromise or leave, but you can't sweep it under the rug.

I know this sounds like a cliche, but I don't recognize her anymore. I live with a stranger! She's alienated my family, no surprise, but also our friends who haven't bought into "her side of the story". In short, she's placed everyone who disagrees with her on her sh!t list. I'm talking about people we've known for years. I just shake my head at the insanity.

She's suffering for this, believe me, she's just not showing you, but she knows and she's suffering. People making a move like this will desperately seek out people who will validate them, and reject anyone who questions or challenges them.

My exW was talking to my friend's W and telling her about her "work friend" and how great their relationship was. My friend's W said "that doesn't sound right to me, I think you're stepping over the line". With that one sentence, exW cut her off and wouldn't talk to her anymore.

I know I'm responsible for our failures, but I refuse to accept 100% of the blame.

Nor should you! Most people on this board take on too much responsibility, not too little. It's often the way we rationalize what happened -- "if I'm being treated this badly, I must have done something to deserve it..."

Relationships are two-sided by definition.

The "gift" that you're getting, if you can see it that way, is the opportunity and motivation to look at how you behave within a relationship, decide what you like and what you don't, and make some changes FOR YOU. When you go into your next relationship, you'll feel much more confident and certainly better educated.

People that stick in unhappy marriages forever never get the benefit of this opportunity to learn. You can come out much happier in the long run based on dealing with your own issues.

Don't buy into "it's all your fault", but stop well short of "its all her fault" too.

Feel free to get angry, feel free to be sad, come on here and vent, vent, vent. Get all the ire and the anger out, it feels good.

Write her scathing emails and don't send them.

You will have a lot of anger and frustration to work through, and that is not a source of shame and should not be a source of embarrassment. Process it, feel all of it, and you will push through it and come out healed.

Acc