No ultimatums because we know that doesn't work. So I don't know how to regain my power.
What do you mean by ultimatum? By saying to W "her or me!"? I agree that that wont work.
But I do believe that setting your own boundary on what you will accept isnt really an ultimatum. Saying "Im not going to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt honor an agreement....who continues to talk with OW in secret...who lies to me by omission...etc" isnt an ultimatum. Thats a personal decision about what you want in a relationship.
Nothing in your situation is going to change until you change something. Because right now, the two of you are going around and around and around in the same exact pattern. She exhibits the same behavior which leads to your exact same response.
So if you wont accept it, what are you going to do about it? Right now, your words and your actions arent matching. You say you wont accept her behavior....but your actions show that you will.
