Single and (soon to be) 60!

[Survival_Goddess]

Good Morning!

I just thought it was funny that somehow Match re-activated my account after 10 years....with no action on my part.

My recently ended relationship was a serious and long term one. We were together about 5 years and lived together about 8 years.

My actual D from the XH was 11 years ago and the "bomb" and all that nastiness was about 15 years ago. Sheesh!

I met XBF when one of my very best girlfriends asked me if I was at all interested in renting a room to one of her friends. He was getting out of a relationship (With a truly crazy dysfunctional woman) and he was looking for somewhere to live that had "no drugs and no drama". Oh---he had a baby girl with this woman so the baby would be around some of the time.

I love children and I met the guy and he checked out. References were good. A Journeyman level contractor and martial arts sensei. Extremely fit and good looking and a great dad. We lived together as roomies for a few years and were very compatible. He always paid his rent and helped around the house. In the beginning during the winter months when his work was slow he would do work for me on my house in lieu of rent.

Things were good.

Then a series of unfortunate events happened and his life just got off track. He had an accident and broke his collarbone so he was out of work for a while...workers comp is only a fraction of his real wages. Then the company he was working for closed down (because the owner had his own life changes) and he was out of a job. He did get his contractors license and went into business for himself. I know this is a dream for many, but he was never able to pull it together to earn enough to support himself and his children. Drama with the baby mama was practically constant...including incidents like she showing up to my house so drunk she could barely stand and XBF calling the police on her.

His father died which threw him into a tailspin. He was working less and less and was getting more and more depressed. I had several serious talks with him about getting his spit together. He would muster for a bit, and then backslide.

This was all SO extremely difficult for me. It was a full two years of me giving him chances and him not coming through. Last summer I told him I wanted him out by September 1st. By this time baby girl is 8 years old and going into 4th grade.

SO...he did move out in Sept. My relationship with both of them (XBF and BG) was/ is still important so I had them over for dinner 1x or 2x a week.

Did he find a suitable living situation for him and his daughter? Did he figure out his finances so that he was bidding and earning enough to live? Did he rise to the challenge of being on his own?

NO

So for the past 12 months he has been going into less and less stable situations and now he is literally homeless and couch surfing for a few days at a time here and there. the first 6-8 months he was living in a little trailer on some property that some friends have in the country. He paid NO rent. Instead of using that opportunity to save up some cash he just coasted while he was there.

And so on.

My own life has been much much better on my own. I feel like I really needed to heal. I'm really not that interested in a relationship at this time.

I do feel that the common thread between XBF and XH are that they both kept secrets from me. XBF at some point became a secret drinker. I was finding whiskey bottles hidden around the house and many more empties in the recycle than were reasonable.

Anyways I am really enjoying all the extra space (both literally and figuratively).
I have been cleaning out and organizing things that have been sitting around in boxes since my kids moved out 12 years ago!

I was going through a box of my daughters stuff...consolidating the really meaningful stuff and weeding out the random. In one of her boxes (Packed up when she moved to college I'm sure) was a slip of paper with a name and phone number on it. It was the OGIRL from when my marriage first imploded.

It was good to see my reaction to that. Yes, I was saddened to see that little piece of paper.. XH's relationship with OGIRL blasted apart my family and my former life. I don't miss him one tiny bit. And he has had several relationships since then, but none of them lasted. Oh well.

AND...KML I'm not planning on any trips south this summer. Maybe in October.