The best thing I think exW and I did for them is to have a very amicable divorce, which allowed us to keep goodwill with each other. I really think that paid off in spades where the kids were concerned.
When it comes to dividing things up and working out your parenting arrangements, if you can do it together at home and then just get lawyers to formalize it, that's the way to go by far.
I agree, this is what XW and I did as well. There was a wrinkle when in the 11th hour XW decided she wanted to go for more money after we had already agreed to everything and had papers drawn up. She presented some reasoning that made absolutely no sense at all, it was like an Alzheimer's patient had thrown it together. I asked her to sit down with me and explain it and she just got angry and said "we'll just let the lawyers work it out in court." The idea of court had me going through anxiety attacks all over again, plus I had a business deal that was being held up pending our D, so I ended up just agreeing to it so the D could move forward. I can't remember how much the extra was that she wanted, like 15k I think? But whatever it was, it was the best $$ I ever spent because I think a prolonged court battle would have sent me back into depression, affected my work and probably would have had a negative impact on my kids too. Settling the divorce amicably was the smartest move for all involved.
The one thing I would have fought for is if XW had tried to cut down my time with the kids, but very early on we agreed to 50-50 and that never changed. Throughout BD, S and D we both talked about how we respected each other's parenting abilities so that made things go smoother.
Anyway I totally agree with Acc that an amicable D really pays off when it comes to the kids. My parents had a messy D and I cannot begin to explain the hell it put me through as a young teen. Up until my own D it was the one thing I always said was the most difficult experience I had ever gone through. It was far worse than going through the death of loved ones, which is no picnic either.
