Having a tough time today. I said to my friends last night it's like my H has died but physically he is still here. He isn't the person I married or spent so many years with. He isn't even the same Daddy to our kids as he was, it's like he doesn't want to be around them. He is stressed and short tempered not the laid back fantastic Daddy he was it's so sad.
He is back tomorrow night for my S's end of school play which will be tough on it's own but sitting there as a couple knowing he is going to go back to his new life after is an awful feeling.
Thursday we are going to a funeral together quite a distance away and I am driving us and he wants to talk about money and what he is going to say the kids this weekend. I am dreading it as all his family will be drinking and telling him how wrong he is and that will just fuel his fire.
I know this is a marathon not a sprint but he is sprinting ahead and whilst I'm really trying to be upbeat in his company I'm finding it incredibly difficult. The fear of this weekend and how my kids are going to react is all consuming.
I was tired last night as DO had been sick the night before and I hadn't really slept and H was really grumpy I just couldn't be upbeat. The kids went to bed and he was going to stay for a bit I asked him what for and he said OK I'll go then as if this is all my fault. Then he text me to let me know he was back, why?
Just opened a drawer to get my S's medical card out and on top was my Valentines card from him telling me how much he loved me. 4 months before BD, how can things change so quickly.
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
