Here again part 10

[25yearsmlc]

T3

I realize you have another child now. And presently a more demanding AND soon a more promising/lucrative career.

These ^^ things are different from your first round of DBing.

But what would your past self, tell your present self to do now? What would your first DB round T3, the GAL T3 who was going to be - eventually - FINE if the m was over, tell you today?

Was the past DBing and detachment a truth you reached or an act as a tactic or did you believe it? Because I was only partly prepared for really ending my m a decade ago.

I certainly GAL big time and it helped immensely. I believed in my head I could be done and make it, but in my heart I believed he would come back.

Actually i still think my h will WANT To return -sometime- but I'm not sure when OR if he'll tell me, and given the givens, it's simply not feasible. Because he'll probably marry OW to show that blowing up our long time M wasn't a disastrous choice for HIM...

But maybe we can learn to be cordial b/c right now we cannot even text. Amazing.

Back to you.
My question really is - if your DB#1 self was ready to move forward if need be, what is different inside you, now?

I know there's another child and I know that makes it harder (though an additional blessing of course). But is there another fear? More self reflection and taking of blame?

I know that baby is newborn and you are exhausted and that's freaking HARD!

So you have to figure out how to at least act as if you are moving forward (fake it till you make it)

so that either way, you are alright. You do have parental support and a career plan.

That makes you more empowered than 90% of the women on the planet.

Dear sweet T3, this is a darn trying time for you. I ache for your struggle.

And I surely don't mean to minimize your pain. Dear God, I don't. I just want you to remind yourself that THIS is survivable and more...

your kids are healthy. You'll have money, in time...

you feel like a boxer punched in the face or gut and you went down, but not for the count.. You are getting back up on the ropes but it's okay to lean on those ropes

your parents are going to help you dig deep into your wells of resilience...and we will be here refilling the wells,

and you'll stand back up, dust yourself off, and take yourself out of this crazy punching ring.

No more punches to take.

((( )))