A few days ago, I told H no to 'chatting' because I can't talk to people who don't treat me with respect, it's an issue of trust. I was gentle and calm in my language. I also said that when divorce is final, that's it, NC at all. A couple of practical emails are necessary about our house sale. I sent one and he replied promptly (first time in months). Boundary of my sanity - after months of silence, who starts chatting a few weeks away from their divorce being final?
I don't think he quite got it. I said no but I think he heard 'do something to earn my trust'. In H's head, it is difficult to talk now because we're dealing with financial disagreements (because he has lied and stolen joint money), so it will be easier to talk 'properly' AFTER we're divorced...
I know I'm not there with detachment...logical head says do nothing, you said no, you can say no again. M is dead. H still loopy. D is inevitable and you need it to protect yourself financially. H is going to Paris on Sat to see his parents and another bit of me wants to tell him what he needs to do to earn that trust (begin to) while he's in a place for a week that was 'our' place...this is madness right? More old style fixing by me? Even though I know his memory is shot and he's not currently the quickest/smartest tool in the toolbox? (although undoubtedly a tool!) I think it means I'm not really detached either...that a bit of me still wants a miracle...
Should I email him next week to be sure I am clear about my boundary and what he needs to do if he wants to honour it? Or should I detach completely and do nothing at all?
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
