Believe me she's not going to get off easy. I've been divorced for 3+ years and ExW has definitely had it harder than I have by a long shot. When I did eventually detach (it just happened) she noticed and didn't like it at all. I think she believed that she'd continue having the benefit of my friendship but wouldn't have to own anything she did.

Teppo your W will definitely not get off easy, and I guarantee you she's suffering much worse already than she's showing you. You're the last person she'll show that to.

In terms of the kids, I also feared it would be a catastrophically bad change in their lives. I don't know anyone whose parents divorced who was or is happy about it. That said, if you met my kids now you wouldn't know anything had happened, they are 100% fine and happy. I have 50% custody.

The best thing I think exW and I did for them is to have a very amicable divorce, which allowed us to keep goodwill with each other. I really think that paid off in spades where the kids were concerned.

When it comes to dividing things up and working out your parenting arrangements, if you can do it together at home and then just get lawyers to formalize it, that's the way to go by far.

Acc

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015