T3, I think you need to accept that an affair is an affair. I have read and experienced first hand through my H that an EA is every bit, and perhaps more damaging, than a PA. With an EA it is all about fantasy and the feeling lingers until it is consummated or the fantasy is replaced. With a PA, it begins as fantasy and gets real much quicker. You are going to keep looking for the signs of which it is. You are going to keep your focus on him instead of you and the boys. Let it go. If a PA bothers you more than an EA, than accept it was a PA so you can get over it and won't endure a new round of heartache when you find out it has progressed to the physical.
You don't say anything about taking care of the legal end of your situation to protect you and the boys. Please take care of that while he is in a mood to be cooperative. Once that is sewed up, you can keep working on detaching and moving forward. First things first.
