Fight, that is easy to do. Somehow many parts of their lives seem to function normally so you look at them and forget all of it. I fall into the same trap with my own H all the time. It goes like this.
1. I convey some information about the kids (or some other matter) that makes him feel guilt and shame (without meaning to do so.).
2. He monsters and rages and brings up divorce and personal attacks.
3. I get upset and convince myself this is the time.
4. He realizes he has gone too far and communicates again without an apology.
