I don't know what the URL is cadet I deleted the Www. So I hope this works.
Sandi, 25 and Own. Thank you for your words! I'm on my phone so I probably won't be able to address everything or close to it
I know THIS M is over but is he a lost cause? Is my hoping he will snap out of this a lost cause?
Sandi, I know I have to DTR. I really do not communicate with him with the exception of what I put here. I know me worrying about communication shows I haven't gotten close to DTR. When he's in the house I do pretty much what you say. I go about my plans and what I want to do with him here. But it is uncomfortable for me because I feel like he's judging me or using anything he can to fuel his feelings of negativity about me.
I know you all are so annoyed with me and over giving me advice. I appreciate all of your patience. I'm not ready to give up that this is going to be the life for me forever. That I will forever share my boys and my new baby 50/50 for all holidays etc. I am fighting against accepting that right now. This is not the life I want for us. That's where all my frustrations, fear, and anxiety comes from. I have to let it go. Trust me. I know all of this and I am actively working on trying to do so. Having to and wanting to are two completely different things that I'm trying to combine.
I stayed gone all weekend after I took the boys. We stayed at my moms. The boys went on the boat - I didn't invite H and he didn't ask to come. After my dads talk he didn't ask to do anything all weekend. Last night I got a text from asking if we ate. I told him the boys are on the boat and I wasn't with them. He asked if I was on my way home. I just said Yes. He asked if I wanted dinner. I told him, I'm good thanks. He said he would go somewhere if I wanted. I didn't reply. He then asked what I could have that was dairy free. He then named a restaurant there and asked if I wanted what I normally got. I said okay if you're going. I got home ate dinner on the couch watching TV where he was then retired to my room. My interaction wasn't someone that dropped the rope - I know.
Sandi I am in agreeement to do this if it's the only thing that will help me to stop crying and feeling the way I do when I'm alone... I will if it's the only thing you think can give me the possibility of this not being my life forever. If this can help him realize what he's doing or what he's losing.
I'm going to do what you're telling me. I'm struggling with accepting this as my life but I will act that way until it becomes second nature.
My dad told me H will come crawling back a day late and a dollar short. He said as he told him he will look at the boys and I and have to live with the regret of what he's done twice now for the rest of his life. That he will still be miserable and unhappy without me and it will take him getting away from me to see that I wasn't the one holding him back or causing his unhappiness. The C told H the same thing the last time we went. He said his demons will continue to follow him for the rest of his life with or without me. He said it's better to be with the Devil you know (me) then the one you don't (new R). He said you know T weakness and faults and you still chose her twice. That has to mean something.
So basically this is just more of the same. Same [censored] different day.
