First time here, part 3

[leahsue]

Yes, all good points, Ownit.
I was crushed about the ONS, and he appeared to be also. I think that would have been very forgivable for me, with the right amount of desire on both parts and MC. I was even OK with his needing more time and space, and I think we were on to something around March, working our way back together.

But something happened around that time. He began to postpone his trips, call less frequently, just less contact in general, and I did blow up a few times on the phone in frustration with him, which seemed to cool things down considerably.

I think I've known in my heart that he doesn't have any desire to work on our marriage. Even with the work pressure, he could have made it happen if it was his desire. But even with that, I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt.

This new revelation of a resort vacation for 6 days? And the phone records that show the two of them texting all during the day and way into the night, her texting a wake up call every morning..... and the records don't go back past March, but it appears to have dramatically escalated about the time things started to cool off for us. To me, this is so much more than a drunken ONS. I won't live like this.

H is a very tender-hearted man, or at least the man he was...... and I truly believe he knows it's over too, but he doesn't want to hurt me. However, the abandonment has hurt far worse than just a clean break.

I still love him very much, and as crushed as I am to lose him, if I'm honest, he's been gone for months. This is me, finally having enough of the excuses, to take back control of my own life. I need legal security, because if this goes ugly, I will have some real money issues.

By filing, I am not saying I wouldn't ever want a new relationship with him, because how could I possibly know right now? But what I do have to do is protect myself financially, and the only way I know to do that is to file. I don't know that he ever would, because what would change for him? Unless he wants to marry again.

I'm going to the lawyer this afternoon at 2:30 with an open mind as to how I can best protect myself and this house, and if that means filing for a divorce, I'm prepared to do that. I need to be in control of me, and stop planning my life and plans around the hope that he may truly want us back. If he does, then he still will, later down the road, or he won't, but I am doing this for self-preservation.

Yes, I agree, I do go hot and cold OFTEN, from despair to hope, etc. You nailed that! But this is not action that I am taking based on emotion. It's proactive rather than the way I've lived the last 6 months, which has been reactive.

This may or may not be MLC. I'm not that hung up on labels, because in the end, I'm not sure it really makes that much difference. For whatever reason, he's cheating, in another relationship, and doing nothing towards wanting to get "us" back. I'm a very forgiving, loving person, and this hurts, but I think it's time to look out for Leah.

Thank you for your honest response! It has made me stop and think a little more, but I believe I'm doing the right thing.